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#1
I have to say I was getting pretty bored with riffing. And my guitar is one of those conveniently religious types who always wants to be prim and proper in bed, but doesn’t have many other religious values. The fact is that I think she hates riffing. Might have had bad experiences with it before and stuff, but she really hates it now.

And it isn’t like I’m a bad player. I take my time and do it right, I pay the bills, do the yard work and still, she’s all “I’m under too much stress right now,” or “You know my poor intonation makes it impossible.” Yeah, her intonation makes it impossible to suck ****, but not impossible to sit on the couch eating pretzels and watching soap operas.

So I took matters into my own hands and decided to bang the living crap my out of my good looking neighbor's drums. He’s a guy with a wife like mine. Only he has it worse because that cow he married is about as unattractive as any cow I’ve ever seen. And she has a wicked bad attitude to compliment her horrifying fat and ugliness.

So we were talking one day and I said I wasn’t gay, but I also have a kid in college and two who are close, and that I couldn’t afford hookers or a mistress, plus if I got caught, my wife would sue me out of the country. And he was nodding his head and agreeing, except his rug rats are much younger. So we decided to have a surprise cookout and give our wives day passes to a new spa that was opening, and he and I would “do some work in his bathroom on a broken sink.”

We figured it would take about an hour to fix the sink. It took thirty minutes. So we had six hours to fret around, and my kids were babysitting his kids at my place, so we were going to have some fun.

We went down in the basement, and he had a bed down there and an amp. Poor slob sleeps down there from time to time to get away from the cow. He showed me his guitar and begged me to finger a minor. I did, and I ended up breaking his g string. He got over it though. He put on some 80's porno soundtrack and we played with each others' rigs for a little while. We used the wah pedal excessively.

Then he asked me to give him a hand job, and I said sure. I gave him a man’s hand job, getting his wood nice and lubricated and cleaning his strings. He wanted me to try some tricks with my mouth, but I declined. Told him I might get used to that idea down the road. But when he came, it was like a geyser, so I tasted a small drop and it wasn’t bad at all. Don’t know why women bitch about it.

Then he asked what I wanted, and I said a good ****. Turns out he fantasized about getting ****ed a lot, which I can understand given that the alternative at that moment was to wait til the cow got home and **** her. And I said I had a surprise.

I pulled out my capo and he got excited. So I slid his lubricated wood into it then pulled it over my **** and got a massive erection. He was so excited that he started playing with it. And that felt good. My **** fingers were throbbing from all this hard riffing and he was slobbering on it like it was a state fair corndog he had to swipe from his wife.

Then I crammed my whammy bar in his body and went to work. I screwed and screwed I finally got it into a comfortable position. It was squealing a ton, much like Dimebag Darrel.


That capo was plain awesome.

It was so good for the both of us that we’re working out ways to keep doing it regularly. It ought to be a good situation for everyone. We stay happy and our worthless wives don’t have to put out.

- END -
Last edited by chillingmike at Mar 24, 2011,
#3
Pardon?
Quote by Moggan13



FUCK YEAH GHERKIN PALS!!



Yeah, I use a Squier Strat.
#11
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#15
.......oh. Good God this was stupid, TS, ban yourself.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#16
Well played sir, would it not have been for the fact that it says you edited your post.
Quote by Moggan13



FUCK YEAH GHERKIN PALS!!



Yeah, I use a Squier Strat.
#17
Quote by chillingmike
I have to say I was getting pretty bored with riffing. And my guitar is one of those conveniently religious types who always wants to be prim and proper in bed, but doesn’t have many other religious values. The fact is that I think she hates riffing. Might have had bad experiences with it before and stuff, but she really hates it now.

And it isn’t like I’m a bad player. I take my time and do it right, I pay the bills, do the yard work and still, she’s all “I’m under too much stress right now,” or “You know my poor intonation makes it impossible.” Yeah, her intonation makes it impossible to suck ****, but not impossible to sit on the couch eating pretzels and watching soap operas.

So I took matters into my own hands and decided to bang the living crap my out of my good looking neighbor's drums. He’s a guy with a wife like mine. Only he has it worse because that cow he married is about as unattractive as any cow I’ve ever seen. And she has a wicked bad attitude to compliment her horrifying fat and ugliness.

So we were talking one day and I said I wasn’t gay, but I also have a kid in college and two who are close, and that I couldn’t afford hookers or a mistress, plus if I got caught, my wife would sue me out of the country. And he was nodding his head and agreeing, except his rug rats are much younger. So we decided to have a surprise cookout and give our wives day passes to a new spa that was opening, and he and I would “do some work in his bathroom on a broken sink.”

We figured it would take about an hour to fix the sink. It took thirty minutes. So we had six hours to fret around, and my kids were babysitting his kids at my place, so we were going to have some fun.

We went down in the basement, and he had a bed down there and an amp. Poor slob sleeps down there from time to time to get away from the cow. He showed me his guitar and begged me to finger a minor. I did, and I ended up breaking his g string. He got over it though. He put on some 80's porno soundtrack and we played with each others' rigs for a little while. We used the wah pedal excessively.

Then he asked me to give him a hand job, and I said sure. I gave him a man’s hand job, getting his wood nice and lubricated and cleaning his strings. He wanted me to try some tricks with my mouth, but I declined. Told him I might get used to that idea down the road. But when he came, it was like a geyser, so I tasted a small drop and it wasn’t bad at all. Don’t know why women bitch about it.

Then he asked what I wanted, and I said a good ****. Turns out he fantasized about getting ****ed a lot, which I can understand given that the alternative at that moment was to wait til the cow got home and **** her. And I said I had a surprise.

I pulled out my capo and he got excited. So I slid his lubricated wood into it then pulled it over my **** and got a massive erection. He was so excited that he started playing with it. And that felt good. My **** fingers were throbbing from all this hard riffing and he was slobbering on it like it was a state fair corndog he had to swipe from his wife.

Then I crammed my whammy bar in his body and went to work. I screwed and screwed I finally got it into a comfortable position. It was squealing a ton, much like Dimebag Darrel.


That capo was plain awesome.

It was so good for the both of us that we’re working out ways to keep doing it regularly. It ought to be a good situation for everyone. We stay happy and our worthless wives don’t have to put out.

- END -

Yeah, don't delete your post, TS.

Ah dammit. You unedited the edit. Way to go.
ಥ_ಥ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ೃ ·ಏ· ಢ_ಢ


E-Married to the sexy DarkConcertine


and Jon777 .


#20
Quote by chillingmike
If you are secretly homosexual, reply to this and pretend to be confused.


Seriously, stop editing OP.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#21
Awk...
I NEED TO CHANGE MY USERNAME


  • Agile AL-3XXX Custom Tobacco Sunburst w/ EMG 57/66
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  • Dunlop OG Crybaby Wah
  • MXR Smartgate
#23
(Invalid img)
Quote by boreamor
Nope because I'm not a dick.
Quote by spanish lovin
then did you just call yourself a PUSSY???



^This = Win
#27
Quote by Moggan13



FUCK YEAH GHERKIN PALS!!



Yeah, I use a Squier Strat.
#29
Smell ya later!
Quote by Hippy's Son
wow, these people are a bunch of stupid drama queens. everybody dies, idiots, not every guitar breaks.

UG's resident Pokemon Leauge Champion!
Pokemon RBY CYOA!
#31
Quote by chillingmike
Why yes, yes I am.


[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#32
Quote by SteveHouse
** Braille with it**



Wanna come help me "fix my sink"?


Last edited by chillingmike at Mar 24, 2011,
#35
No gods or kings. There is only zuul.
Quote by RU Experienced?
Now police, fire, and EMS vehicle's sirens sound in tritones. Suck it Christians, your protectors are satans minions.


I have been sigged by UG's Greek, what have YOU done today?
#38
this whole trend of overly sexual guitar-related threads has reached the point (with this thread) that it has gone so overboard that it is not funny anymore. I am hoping this means it will soon die off.
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