Even though this forum is dead as a goddamn doornail, time for another new song. Finally. This time no riffs borrowed from old songs, brand ****ing new. Probably my most "black metal" song in a while, whatever that means/not that any of them really... well, arent in some way.

I doubt if I'll make many changes, but crit, comment, all that good stuff. Do try to at least be constructive, kiddo's. Please. More you write, more I write and all that stuff.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
I liked it man. I thought it was really neat! I really like the acoustic guitar! Keep it up man!
Critting as I go.

I like the first acoustic bit, but I changed the progression at the beginning a bit to make the last few bars like this:



and I thought it worked a bit better. Doesn't matter, just what I would have done. Obviously you'd have to change that whole first section if you did that, so you probably shouldn't bother.

I like how the guitar comes in gradually. I feel like some synth or something in here would beef it up, I usually use the MIDI strings patch for a generic synth when I write stuff like this.

Cool variation at a B-1, and a tasteful use of blast beats at A-1. However, I think the riff at C sounds a bit weird...too happy, maybe? Just what I thought.
As this progresses I really do wish there were keys. You should consider adding them, for real.

Oh yeah, that's a really cool riff at D. I like that a whole lot. I think you need better transitions between the sections, though, material that doesn't get repeated just to bridge them, you know what I mean? Here it's just riff, riff, riff, riff, repeating them a few times along the way. It should be something like riff, riff, variation of riff, little bridge, riff, little bridge, riff, etc etc.

It also seemed to be a bit stagnant when it came to texture. When I listen to music I look for a variety of textures and atmospheres, and this seemed like it was a bit of a one-trick pony for the entire duration of the song. Once again, the addition of synths would probably mitigate it. Write a less abrupt ending, perhaps a fadeout, and you have a solid effort.

Good work.

This thing isn't anywhere near finished, but do you think you can drop me your two cents on it?

Thanks for the honest crit, man! I always need work on my transitions.

But yeah, it is a bit of a one trick pony. I'm trying to get away from using synths and all that cause I dont own or play keys or anything, but I may add some sections towards the middle with acoustic guitar layered in. I think that may also improve the texture/dynamics thing.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
I'll give you a good critique, cause as usual I tend to find your music to be the most interesting thing to hit this dead forum.


I enjoy the progression, fairly basic but with enough little additions to make it interesting. I find it most interesting that you opted for a 10-11 bar as opposed to a standard 8 bar. I also like the bit of dissonance on bar 11.

Up to bar 32 the song is doing fairly well.

32-48: I feel like you must have been inspired by Agalloch for a lot of this section. The little build ups in the rhythm and just how the distortion kicks in with the drums seems to be very similar to their music. I may make more Agalloch comments throughout this 1). because there are similar qualities and 2). I just saw them live so I am still recovering my mind from total Agalloch obsessiveness. The remainder of this section through to A is decent. Nothing special, though.

A: I'll just say I could live without this section. It just felt empty and rather shallow when I compare it to other things you have written. The only redeeming factor was the drums, which were very well done. It's just to simplistic for me (and thats saying a lot as I tend to like minimalism). I'd say to make this better and keep the arpeggios add a rhythm guitar thats real heavy with some full chords or doom metal chugs.

B: This was better. The transition left a lot to be desired, though. I enjoy the riff, though it is again nothing special.

B1: I really liked this. The play between both guitars was rather interesting and this just felt more developed. The melody seemed to shine more here and this just felt more unique than earlier sections.

A-1: My feelings are very similar to that of A. I like this more, but it still feels kind of hollow. I wasn't a big fan of the melody present here either. Some of the drumming here was just a bit ridiculous as well (16th note triplets?)

C: This section was solid.

B1: I like this a lot. A very nice dynamic switch and cool riffs.

B2: It's a solid section.

D: I like this, however I'm beginning to feel the chord riffs are becoming rather tedious in this song. This is the best example of a good chord based melodic riff, but its being pulled down by the overall boredom of the rest of the song.

A2: I loved the riff. The rhythm is strange. I did not like the drums in this section. The blast beats are just detracting from the guitars rhythmic ideas. I'd say you could do more interesting with the bass here, definitely.

C1: Same feelings as C even with the alterations.

B3: Good for what it is.

Outro: Quite possibly the best part of this song. More timbres being used at once really adds to the piece and atmosphere.

Overall I would say this is pretty average for the style, and definitely for your song writing. Is it bad? No, not at all; but its not very good either. I'm sure with vocals and in a recording it would be a bit better, but the worst part for me was the flow and the fact that the parts didn't seem to ever join together and created a unified whole. It just lacked in so many respects because of that.

I'd say either add more timbres or leads over some of those rhythms, or rewrite a few sections.

If you want to at some point critique back you can hit this up: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1420404&highlight=hollow+on+the+lake

But yeah, it is a bit of a one trick pony. I'm trying to get away from using synths and all that cause I dont own or play keys or anything

If thats why you are avoiding synths and the like you're welcome to hit me up. I've said it before in another thread some time ago, but the offer still stands. For as long as I'm making music I'll likely at least be lurking this forum, so it's not a problem; especially seeing as you write your own music and all I'd need to turn things into recorded synth is a MIDI file :-)
Is a good effort, I like it. Anyway, a few points;
- In the B section, the chords you are playing might sound too muddy when actually performed if you are using a typical black metal tone.
- In the C section (haha), I think it'd look clearer if you notated it using 16th notes and doubled the bpm. I guess that isn't particularly improtant to the actual song though.
- Tarbosh made the good point that perhaps it could do with some different feel/ texture at some point, especially as it's fairly long. If you're trying to avoid keyboards, that's ok; as you said, an acoustic section in the middle could help this. A guitar solo and the type of vocals you put in (could do mostly screaming w/ some clean for instance) are other ways you could address this.

Anyway, decent stuff, crit mine?

Thanks all, crits returned.

I've made a few slight changes [including being rid of the 16th note triplets. ] which I'll put up... someday. When I have time. I do still want to perhaps add some more dynamism, if you will, as well. And play around with section A because I'm still not entirely satisfied with it.

Still though, I succeeded in doing what I wanted to, so I'm inclined to disagree with Ula/MC. Sorry. IE: A-2 or whatever with the blastbeats and chord rhythms, I wasnt going for interesting rhythmic ideas, and in fact that's not even entirely how I play it ; rather, I was going for just intensity and chaos [a la say, Burzum of Hvis Lyset Tar Oss the song, which I admit doesnt translate well into gp], building to the shifted version of the tremolo picked riff. which I think I succeeded at. And these simple basslines also fit the stripped-down approach I was, and will continue, taking. I do want to use bass to add to atmosphere a la Tenhi sometimes, but not in this song.

[Ula: I fear I may be writing stuff further and further from that style I was writing with that you dug, and closer to true bm or what have you. Or at least shifting away from it, and trying to find another voice that suits me better at the moment/is closer to what I want to express now that I've rather exhausted my previous tone/style a bit. So, you may continue to be... well, less thrilled with my work. ]
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Mar 31, 2011,
^It's understandable my friend. I'm always down with new artistic ideas. I suppose the intensity element isn't really prominent with MIDI sounds, but I try to take that into consideration when I critique. I'm still just waiting for the day you actually get to record some of your material!
Yeah man, I need to explore new avenues, so this is kind of the first tentative step out into those.

And I think for the sake of people knowing what I'm going for, I may find a new way to title/name sections.

And hopefully now that I've got a job, I can perhaps buy some more recording gear pretty soon and at least make some demo's.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
If you ever need some advice on affordable recording gear on a budget feel free to PM me. I record on about 300 dollars or so of gear (minus guitars/amps and what not).
Well....thats another masterpiece of your work my man.Can't give realy any good critics cause i liked everything.Keep up the good work and ill be waiting for your next song