A time ill-remembered
I’d rather forget
She’ll never leave me be
As the life left her eyes
I started to fall
Cared not for the world

Now that you’re gone
Hands still they ache
From the tension of
Crushing your life

I hear you at night
Creaking floorboards awake
And I tremble and whisper
Your name
Sly as the tigress
You quiet your step
Back into the darkness
you crept

I can’t hold at bay
These delirious thoughts
All religions and thoughts say
You’re false
I toss in denial
Yet once more your gaze
Hauntingly torments
This mind

When I lost you
I lost myself
For without you
Madness, it never ends
I shattered your life
Amidst my cries
Delirium covers my head
I lost you forever
But now your mine

its got good story to it, descriptive yet a tad bit vauge, which is right up my alley. i kinda caught the vibe that it was about lossing god or faith.
If i say im lying am i telling the truth?
Shawn Lane Rest In Peace!
Rip Dimbag
and sadly Rip Roger "Syd" Barrett gone but not forgotten
and more so recently Brad Delp
Quote by last_biscuit
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
Not exactly man but thats why I try (heavy on the try ha) to write this way. I like the idea of everyone being able to walk away with their own meaning to a song. I think it makes it more personal. Thanks for the critique.

You have anything you would like me to critique?

Ah, and I have another one if you would like to read it and tear it to pieces feel free !