#1
critic for critic


I was awake one night
and i was thinking of the afterlife.
i got chills down my spine as i heard the devil whisper
your mine. and i
sat up and saw him there
with his beedy eyes and expressionless stare
his breath smelled of whiskey and his clothes of cigars
an he said get your keys boy, we're headed to the car.
"chorus"
an he said hey son, whyre you on these roads late at night son,
are you feeling alright tonight, son, do you really think youre alone


we crossed the alabama line
and i looked at the gas
and i looked at the time
andhe was puffing on a ciggarette
as he asked me of my one regret
and i stopped to think for a moment or two
but not to long because i knew he wasnt through
and i said, may 2008, thats a date i sure appreciate
"he said hey son why're you on these roads late at night son?
are you feeling alright tonight son?
do you really think your alone?"

he said he remembered it too
said it was back when i said i was through
we were both young devils then
fresh and new from the devils den
i held the paper
and he held the pen
as i signed away my soul again
he said thanks for another year
as i tried to hold back the tears
as i slamed the car into third gear
he saw the headlights
and i heard the crash
it felt like years but it happend so fast
and now im laying bleedin in the devils arms
no use it tryin to use any charms
i saw a bird before it all went black and it flew and it soared
as i died on my back...
"chorus"
he said, hey son why are you on these roads late at night
son, are you feling alright? tonight? son
do you really think your alone?


first son ive written in a while, still a bit rusty,
If i say im lying am i telling the truth?
Shawn Lane Rest In Peace!
Rip Dimbag
and sadly Rip Roger "Syd" Barrett gone but not forgotten
and more so recently Brad Delp
Quote by last_biscuit
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
#2
lots of little spelling errors like you typed it in a hurry. I really like what you were going for here but you didn't quite pull it off. it may sound better when you sing it, but the repetition in the devil's speech is more annoying than purposeful to me. the story can be vague but the way its written here is slightly confusing. give a little more of a hint to the history between the devil, the driver, and may of 2008.

revise it and see if it doesn't come out sparkling.
I want Super Saiyan abilities