#1
I’ve watched those hipsters, golden haired, acid riddled, faces disheveled, make their way around to new lives,
Watched them tumble and fall, sniveling sheepishly, slowly claw their way back up the machine,
Grab hold of the driver’s seat and settle in comfortably, bringing their own with them,
Thirty years older, washed and cleaned, finish their degrees in those very halls they abhorred before, recognizing that a necessity was easy for them to achieve,
Brought their previously radical ideas to pass in senate seats and breaking dreams of their children over the backs of those very same wretched spawn and diseased,
Watched as they stole the lives and bread from a country, tactics they learned from good old Charlie,
Who sits, laughing, cozy in prison, every other sentence from his mouth an I told you so,
Those golden hipsters, though dying right and right these days, still manage to screw over everyone else with their last stinking, rotten breath,
Over tea trays and sacks of money, both adorned with the dollar signs they now love so much –
They keep the sick in their beds with all the bills they hoard and pass, unthinkingly, or maybe deviously, in the great white halls of our dear be(un)loved nation –
Irwin, I envy your death, and while I was only eight at the time, I would have sat next to your death bed and smiled
As you trembled and shook, last breaths rattling from your chest, mirroring the tinkling of fine china on the tea tray I had Charlie bring in,
I would have sipped on my tea, look you straight in the eye as Charlie giggled in apprehension,
And told you the bad news I could see with my naïve eight year old eyes:
They didn’t eat the poem of life from their own body cavities after cutting it out of themselves, Irwin,
They ate our next thousand years, with caviar on melba toast and a nice Pinot Noir.
Last edited by halo43 at Mar 26, 2011,
#2
I'm commenting just to tell you I genuinely have no idea what I think of this. I've read it and reread it a few times now and I don't really get it. The format's a little confusing.

And at first, I thought "Charlie" referred to the Vietnamese, as you said "Thirty years older" which would place the "hipsters" at about the draft age of the Vietnam War. And since you were going through the counter-culture that seems to have betrayed itself, that's where I thought you were going with this.

But now I'm not sure. And I'm not sure if I like the piece or dislike the piece. I'm even unsure if I am neutral about the piece.

Also, caviar SO doesn't go with Pinot. Child, please.


You owe me a few crits, so if you could crit "Melting away" that I just wrote, it's be appreciated
#4
Now that I get the reference, it's more clear now, but still not clear enough IMO. The only parts that help with the Charlie part is prison, and that's not enough.
#5
you hit us over the head with the ideas here, again and again. when i started reading about tea and money bags and right and right, i got a little annoyed. and the parentheses look too clever for their own good. that's what i got. i really liked the first half of this, and the last bit.