#1
How Can a Dead Man Walk?

By the call of the moon in the sky
and the ghost in the corner of my eye
keep your neck tied warm said the witch doctor
it don't matter if you live or if you die

While I’m sat here afraid and alone
down the streets I can hear 'em cry and moan
could a soul as kind so to take me away
you know I’d rather keep the flesh on my bone

(Chorus)
We’d sold an’ signed
but our thoughts was blind
tell me how can a dead man walk

Man I've been hidin' here a' much too long
in this town all going wrong
was that a crash at the door or have I lost my mind?
feel I'm somewhere I just don't belong

See the lives of the world we'd cost
an' those stricken by the cold and the frost
didn't seem so wrong at that moment time
now it's clear that all hope is lost

(Chorus)
We’d sold and signed
but our thoughts was blind
(tell me how can a dead man walk? - repeat until end)
Last edited by Alkaline 64 at Jun 16, 2011,
#2
I think theres a few bits I'd go over...

could a soul as kind so to take me away

In the other stanzas the third line is the same or longer than the rest so to keep it consistent I would probably change this to read as...

could a soul as kind come to take me away

Again for consistency I would be tempted to change...

in this town all going wrong ----> in this town everythings/everythin's going wrong

And the last change I'd make is...

but our thoughts was blind ----> but our thoughts were blind


I liked the piece, it has a nice feel to it. I think I'll keep a look out for your pieces in the forum.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
#3
As far as I could tell the grammatical errors were purpseful, doubtless due to the person who's singing the song (not the actual singer)
#4
All those grammatical errors were definitely purposeful, I took bits of lyrical inspiration from the old blues and folk masters like Lead Belly, Robert Johnson and the even man in my avatar! Not the way I usually write, but this one screamed for that kind of ancient romance.

Quote by 剣 斧 血
I think theres a few bits I'd go over...

could a soul as kind so to take me away

In the other stanzas the third line is the same or longer than the rest so to keep it consistent I would probably change this to read as...

could a soul as kind come to take me away

I liked the piece, it has a nice feel to it. I think I'll keep a look out for your pieces in the forum.

I think I'll do that bit your way, thanks man.