#1
I wrote this for an impromptu class project. The idea was to take a fictional character and write a poem from their perspective, but I decided to write a tribute to the lyrics of Randy Blythe & Mark Morton (of Lamb Of God) instead. Why? Because I can.

p.s. - This is also an expression of my own sentiments. (Except for the "redneck" thing, nobody calls me a redneck.) It just happened to take the form of a tribute.

I'll shut up now.
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You think I'm some damn redneck
With more time to kill
Than a contractor without a war,
A fake messiah without sheep to lead.

Go cry on the shoulder of your god,
Because you know my vigil will burn brighter
Than yours, preaching your choke sermon
To dead seeds buried deep.

In your words, I'm some damn redneck
Set to fail, descending into depravity.
You're pathetic.
You've got your foot to your own damn throat.
You're beating at death's door, and you know it.

You're full of naught but terror and hubris.
I've mastered the subtle arts of murder & persuasion
And I'll make damn sure you realize
We all die alone.

You think I'm some damn redneck,
Set to fail, so walk with me in hell
And watch me blacken the cursed sun.

Lay this to rest, watch this bootscraper
Clean his soles with the pride of your master.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. - Friedrich Nietzsche
#2
Not bad. What's the redneck thing refering to?
I'm so happy. I get to eat a muffin.
Quote by space aids
You are so happy to eat a muffin it's kinda scary.
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
Goes around tryina light dudes on fire.
Quote by MakinLattes
Too much Sublime.

I tell a lie, there is no such thing.
#3
I really like your first two stanzas. I'm sorry I don't have much to add, but I really like those first two stanzas.
#4
Thanks guys.

Robbin'TheHood: Throughout the poem I used titles of many of Lamb Of God's songs. Redneck is one of them, so it made its way in there. Also, nice name. It's a reference to Sublime, I'm guessing?
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Last edited by El Peppers at Mar 27, 2011,
#5
To me, the second stanza stands out as the best in this piece

"Go cry on the shoulder of your god,
Because you know my vigil will burn brighter
Than yours, preaching your choke sermon
To dead seeds buried deep."

The imagery and statement in this really hit me.

I'm not, however, a great fan of the repetition of the word "Redneck" i think it destroys the mood of this piece, somewhat.

Great job overall though, and i can definately see the LoG tribute coming out of this piece, so good job on that too, you served your purpose well regarding that fact.

Well done mate!
#6
Sorry it's taken me so long, but I've been sick. Anyway, I agree with the above poster: I'm not a big fan of the redneck lines. It's fine the first time and sets a good tone for the rest (and is probably LoGs most known song, so it's fitting) but the repetition makes the line seem... almost silly. It's good, but not by the third time. I don't know what to replace it with as I not the biggest LoG fan.

Other than that, really, really good. Like I said earlier, really enjoy those first two stanzas a lot.