#1
Hey everyone

Just finished recording this and I'm pretty happy with it. I wrote it for my girlfriend. Let me know what you guys think. It's in my profile. First song I've ever written.

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/dolphinfan2k5/

Lyrics:

Her eyes, ignite the fire inside my soul
And her touch, is unforgettable
I can't deny these, feelings for you anymore.

Her lips are, so sensual
I can't take my eyes away
And her hips they, leave me powerless
I don't know if I should say

That baby you, take my breath away
I'm writing you this song to say
That baby you, lift my spirits up,
Even on the darkest of days.


Now I think I surprised you,
But guess what? You surprised me too.
Now it's dark and we're alone,
You're looking at me and I'm looking at you
And I can see it in our eyes, that neither of us really knows what to do.

But baby you, take my breath away
I'm writing you this song to say
That baby you, lift my spirits up,
Even on the darkest of days.

And as these moments pass
Is this fog gonna last?
No it slowly dissipates.
Yeah, it evaporates.
But if I concentrate,
I can see you smile.

And baby you, take my breath away
I'm writing you this song to say
That baby you, lift my spirits up,
Even on the darkest of days.
#2
I think you need to work on making the lyrics flow just a little more. The melody is good man. No surprises in the chord structure which I think is a down downfall. BUT most people don't like things like that. The tone of your voice is great man! There are some trouble spots but you'll be great with more practice. Take everything I say with a grain of salt cause they're just my opinions! I enjoyed it man. Good work keep it up
Quote:
Originally Posted by JAHellraiser
Go into Guitar Center and tell them you are willing to spend $3000 on as many Spider and MG half stacks as they can give you.