#1
The first song I ever finished. Inspired by an Ozzy song.

Hallow's Eve

1. It's Hallow's Eve tonight
The freaks come out in moonlight
The devil's free
He's coming for your life

2. Spiders on the wall
Making your skin crawl
But you can't escape from
The killers of the night

C1.You think he's there
Beware his knife
But when you look
There's no one else in sight

3. Season of the witch
A curse that makes you twitch
The ghosts are haunting
Everywhere you go

C2.You think he's gone
You think he's dead
But here's the truth
The killer's really me

4. Creeping in the dark
You hear a werewolf bark
They come for you
In the darkness of the night

C3.You think they're gone
You hope they're dead
But there's no escape
From the killers of the night
#2
Quote by jmb14
The first song I ever finished. Inspired by an Ozzy song.

Hallow's Eve

1. It's Hallow's Eve tonight
The freaks come out in moonlight
The devil's free
He's coming for your life

"Come out in moonlight" dosen't sit well with me, but I do like the idea. Maybe you should consider changing that to something that flows better, but its up to you. I don't see anything wrong with the next two lines.

2. Spiders on the wall
Making your skin crawl
But you can't escape from
The killers of the night

Can definitely see the Ozzy influence here, and I quite like it. Keep this verse.

C1.You think he's there
Beware his knife
But when you look
There's no one else in sight

Again, no problems here. Presumably "C1" means chorus 1?

3. Season of the witch
A curse that makes you twitch
The ghosts are haunting
Everywhere you go

"A curse that makes you twitch" rhymes well with the line below it, but I would suggest expanding upon this "witch" a little more, instead of these ghosts (that bit could even be saved for a later verse if you wanted).

C2.You think he's gone
You think he's dead
But here's the truth
The killer's really me

Everything in the song has been into sections made up of four lines, so you might want to try adding a bit of variety that could surprise the listener and keep him on his toes. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but "The killer's really me" came a little bit sudden to me.

4. Creeping in the dark
You hear a werewolf bark
They come for you
In the darkness of the night

I would change "darkness" for something different as you had already used dark to rhyme in the lines above. I'm not saying its necessary, just a suggestion.

C3.You think they're gone
You hope they're dead
But there's no escape
From the killers of the night

To me, this seems a bit too similar to C2, but other than there's nothing wrong with it.


By the way, well done for finishing your first song and trust me, the more you practice, the better you'll get! I'm also a fan of Ozzy's lyrics, and think you did a pretty good job of capturing his style here so, good job!
#3
Quote by Alkaline 64
By the way, well done for finishing your first song and trust me, the more you practice, the better you'll get! I'm also a fan of Ozzy's lyrics, and think you did a pretty good job of capturing his style here so, good job!


Yeah C1 means Chorus 1. Idk why, but several of my lyrics are almost always in groups of four and I'm working on that. Thanks for feedback!