#1
Walls of sound
are all I hear tonight
and blurs of light
are all i see

One more down
another few to go
until I drown
and then I'll wake up
to see you there
by my side
holding my hand
telling me
I'll be ok
and while your holding back
your tears you smile

Just then
I realized how
gorgeous you are


Let me know what you think. Anything helps me get better.
#2
you're* holding back

Also, I think the line breaks take a little away from this. The lines could stand to be a little longer, like having "telling me / I'll be ok" on the same line, etc. "your tears you smile" threw me off; I think they should be separated for clarification.

As far as subject matter goes, it was fairly obvious. That's not a bad thing, but you sort of told me what was happening instead of showed me. There weren't really any adjectives that provided me with an image or setting; you told me exactly what happened as you drank. Because of this, the ending didn't hit as hard as it could have.

This isn't bad, I just think it could use some beefing up. I look forward to seeing what you can do
#3
I hear you man, and I agree. Thanks for taking the time to read it and telling me what you think.