#1
crit4crit
MURDER IN THE FIRST DEGREE

Any which way you roll it
Baby we're a paradise
You need not fish for compliments
I'll always throw you a line
Your touch it gets me drunk
Without the pain of a hangover
You make me feel so lucky
Like a rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover

If too much of a good thing will kill you
Then she's murder in the first degree
'Cause I die and go heaven
Every second she's next to me

I've never been a gambler
But this love is worth the risk
And I bet you my whole life
No one else could make me feel like this
To worry about so much
And never have a care
To work at minimum wage
And still be a millionaire

If too much of a good thing will kill you
Then she's murder in the first degree
'Cause I die and go Heaven
Every second she's next to me

Baby you're a dream come true
You're all I dream about
Looks like I hit the jackpot
Just hope my luck don't run out

If too much of a good thing will kill you
Then she's murder in the first degree
'Cause I die and go Heaven
Every second she's next to me
Last edited by themarsvolta at Mar 31, 2011,
#2
I really like the chorus, and the last two lines of the third stanza.

But everything else seemed kind of weak from you. You just turn a phrase every two lines, it didn't seem like too much thought was put in those verses. It's not bad really, it's just not up to what I've seen you do.

Just my two cents, good work though on that chorus.
#3
I really liked it, especially the chorus and the second verse When I read it it seemed to have a pop-punky sound to it. Am I right in thinking this?