#1
Just a quick free verse for a song I'm working on (rock based), I'll post some more, but I'll take some crit in the mean time.

A black night falls
on wishful dreams.
Standing in the dark
I swear, I won’t give in
no I won’t give in

The way it was
won’t be the same
the fate I want
isn’t what I became
I won’t give in, no
#2
This definitely has potential i think! The only line i don't like is the second last one.. just kinda disrupts the flow to me...

If you'd care to crit mine they are in my sig, crit the one on the bottom right cause its my most recent one
#3
Quote by scguitarking927
Just a quick free verse for a song I'm working on (rock based), I'll post some more, but I'll take some crit in the mean time.

A black night falls
on wishful dreams.

^ I really like these two lines
Standing in the dark
I swear, I won’t give in
no I won’t give in
^ I think you can get rid of this line, it's sort of redundant.

The way it was
won’t be the same
the fate I want
isn’t what I became
I won’t give in, no



If you have the time, mine is lonely, and could use a crit.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1425109
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