#1
Here's one of my first attempts at writing lyrics to a song, i only have the first to verses for now i plan on writing more as it comes to me.


Only institutionalized, never on your own
Its all bullshit, don't pretend you don't know
Only business there's no need to worry
They don't want you hangin around here, get out swiftly now

The unseen eyes they control everything
(there) completly anonymous, dont reveal a thing
Its mistress is the corruptive force
The one who alters thoughts, the one who causes total delirium


Thats what i have so far any criticism would be appreciated
#2
It's okay. Good considering that it was one of your first attempts. It's just almost... "sloppy". I couldn't really get a groove going with this, it was almost "bumpy" when I was reading it. But other than that, it's good.
I'm just like the Jonas Brothers,

I'm no longer relevant and write mediocre music.