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#1
Some strange, mutating virus is about to eliminate 99.9% of the human race...leaving only one 10 year old boy alive. Every other human is guaranteed to die in the next 3 days.

You (the collective wisdom, empathy, and love of the Pit) have been tasked with preparing this boy to survive alone in the world, without any human contact.

What would you tell him? What would you try to teach him, in some form, in only 3 days?


Each member of this taskforce was alloted 10 sentences.


Go!


(note: if you must be a smart alec, "non-conformist," or negative, at least make it funny)
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#2
I'd give him a loaded gun with one bullet.
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


Does the above post enrage, offend or confuse you?

Good.


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Last edited by BeefWellington at Apr 6, 2011,
#4
I would teach him how to make fire, and then how to jerk off to it.


Both work extremely well as insect repellent.
#6
I would hand him a copy of my Wasteland Survival Guide.
Castles made of sand
Fall to the sea
Eventually
#7
Teach him to shred guitar, hunt animals, shower in blood, and how to grow viking beard.
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#8
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.
#9
Quote by toby3p0
I would hand him a copy of my Wasteland Survival Guide.

this
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#10
Quote by ZeGuitarist
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.


Pretty much this.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#12
I'd tell him about the virus running through his veins, and how it's the only way to stop Deftinwolf.
#13
I would give him a grenade with the pin pulled and tell him to hold on for dear life.
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#14
Show him porn.

He'll work out the rest on his own.
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#15
I'd tell him to buy a new amp.
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#16
Quote by ZeGuitarist
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.

Exactly.


I'd teach him to walk around with a limp like a bad-ass. Even though no-one would see it, I think it would comfort him in this dark, lonely world. TS is a dick for leaving this poor kid alone.
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#17
Quote by ZeGuitarist
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.


So? If he's the last human, you could at least tell him how to get by and live a good life before the human race is completely extinct.

I would tell him to do drugs once he's older and his brain is matured, and for him to do as many as he wants. Because, fuck it, there's no one else alive anyway what does it matter. I would tell him to google how to masturbate, because he's 10 years old and there's no way in hell I'm teaching him. I would give him weapons and food and uh... a way to purify water... and a pat on the back along with a reassuring, "Good luck, kid!"

#18
Teach him how to Dougee.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#21
Quote by ZeGuitarist
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.


couldn't we just teach him to clone himself?
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#22
Quote by genghisgandhi
A virus wiping out 99.99 percent of the human race would leave over 650,000 people on earth.


EDIT: MY BAD MY COMP CALCULATOR ONLY HAS 9 DIGITS YOU ARE RIGHT
*On topic, I would teach him how to make/cultivate psychedelics
Last edited by Pepperommi at Apr 6, 2011,
#23
Quote by theogonia777
couldn't we just teach him to clone himself?


Kinda hard without a surrogate mother.

Quote by Pepperommi
Nice try, but I believe that assuming there are 6,000,000,000 (6 billion) people in the world, .01% would be about 60,000.


99.9% + .01% = ?
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Apr 6, 2011,
#24
Quote by genghisgandhi
A virus wiping out 99.99 percent of the human race would leave over 650,000 people on earth.

You and ya damn maths GET OUTTA HERE
#25
I'd teach him how to clone himself.

Edit: ****, too late
Last edited by Portuguese_boy at Apr 6, 2011,
#26
I would start writing down all the information i knew and then give it to him
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#27
Quote by Våd Hamster
Kinda hard without a surrogate mother.


All of humanity teams up to build state of the art cloning chambers with their last 3 days.

#29
I'd tell him he had to get down on Friday.
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#30
Quote by Våd Hamster
Kinda hard without a surrogate mother.


who says the surrogate mother must be human?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#31
Quote by ZeGuitarist
It'd be pointless to instruct him, seeing as the human race would be doomed without any means of reproduction.

this


Quote by DecaPodge
I'd tell him to buy a new amp.

definitely this

and i'd tell him to have fun while he lasts
Belief is a beautiful armour but makes for the heaviest sword.
#32
Quote by toby3p0
I would hand him a copy of my Wasteland Survival Guide.

Beat me to it
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#33
Quote by genghisgandhi
A virus wiping out 99.99 percent of the human race would leave over 650,000 people on earth.


I was going to say this.
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#34
Quote by Våd Hamster
Kinda hard without a surrogate mother.


99.9% + .01% = ?


GenghisGhandi said 99.99% TS said 99.9 and I used GhenghisGhandi's
#35
Quote by SaintsofNowhere
All of humanity teams up to build state of the art cloning chambers with their last 3 days.


Research takes time, especially biological research. And time is time, no matter how many people work at it at once.

Assuming this technology exists AND we can dumb it down enough for him to learn, use _AND_ understand at the age of 10- we'd still need clean samples of human DNA not tarnished by the virus. Of course he could just make endless clones of himself but I imagine that would grow old fast.

Quote by Pepperommi
GenghisGhandi said 99.99% TS said 99.9 and I used GhenghisGhandi's


Right you are! for shame genghis.

Quote by theogonia777
who says the surrogate mother must be human?


Because with current technology, that's the way cloning works.
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Apr 6, 2011,
#36
Id kill him, if i have to go down, im taking any survivors with me i.e this boy.

That or im going to drink his blood and gain whatever is keeping him alive
#37
Tell him to have a sex change and have sex so there is a 50% chance of him (now her) being able to have sex with the baby she would give birth to and start the human race again (though it would probably end up being more retarded than we are now, with all the incest required)


#38
Quote by a7x4life666
Tell him to have a sex change and have sex so there is a 50% chance of him (now her) being able to have sex with the baby she would give birth to and start the human race again (though it would probably end up being more retarded than we are now, with all the incest required)


-sex change at 10

-sex change that takes no longer than 3 days

-50%


No.
#39
Teach him how to use chemicals and exposure to radiation to change himself into a hermaphrodite so he can reproduce with himself.
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#40
Quote by bladedguitar66
Teach him how to use chemicals and exposure to radiation to change himself into a hermaphrodite so he can reproduce with himself.

Ahhh....now this (and the sex change answer) are more what I was expecting.


ENOUGH WITH MY FIGURATIVE MATHEMATICS, PEOPLE!
Schecter C-1 Elite-->BOSS ME-20-->B-52 AT100 2x12

Quote by laid-to-waste
Extremely attractive woman.
extremely attractive
oh baby
EDIT: you're a guy. shit.
...an extremely attractive guy.
extremely attractive
oh baby


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