Page 1 of 3
#1
Okay pit, so I've been lurking here the past couple of years, and apparently made an account and forgot about it, and had to have the password emailed to me, but that's neither here nor there.


So, for my birthday this year, I got my ex to agree to spend a day with me, doing what ever activities I choose, no strings attached. She has no say in the matter, and you can probably see where this is going, but the fun part, is I'm going to write up a contract explaining her responsibilities as my temporary girlfriend/birthday present, and I want you fellas to help me.


So, any ideas on some interesting things to put on this bastard?
Last edited by howplayguitar? at Apr 7, 2011,
#2
Wow....
Quote by guitarxo
I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

Quote by Bladez22


every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking


#3
you wont be able to put anything worth while on it...
Quote by extrememetal94
I really hope I have a small penis.
#4
tell her to make you a sandwich.
Thor! Odin's son Protector of mankind Ride to meet your fate Your destiny awaits Thor! Hlödyn's son Protector of mankind Ride to meet your fate Ragnarök awaits


E-ARCH NEMESIS of girlgerms007
#5
What makes you think that? This isn't a legally binding contract or anything, and she knows I'm writing it up, it's just for fun.
#6
Play Uno.
Quote by Pleasure2kill
The truth is, Muslims never apologized for their faith having something to do with the attacks on 9/11.
#7
the point of a contract is to be legally binding... so i guess i miss the point..
Quote by extrememetal94
I really hope I have a small penis.
#8
1) Suck dick all day.

2) Fist yourself anally

3) Make Sandwich (Wash hands)

4) Leave
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#9
Quote by slash_GNR666
1) Suck dick all day.

2) Fist yourself anally

3) Make Sandwich (Wash hands)

4) Leave


Well, the suck dick all day is going to happen almost definately, and I'm sure I can throw a sammich or two in there, but I don't think the anal fisting fits the occasion. And the "leave" part is the best part.
#10
Quote by slash_GNR666
1) Suck dick all day.

2) Fist yourself anally

3) Make Sandwich (Wash hands)

4) ??????????????

5)profit




Fixed
Thor! Odin's son Protector of mankind Ride to meet your fate Your destiny awaits Thor! Hlödyn's son Protector of mankind Ride to meet your fate Ragnarök awaits


E-ARCH NEMESIS of girlgerms007
#12
get another girl involved and write it into the contract if you catch my drift.

also sammich. make her make one for you. (typical pit responce though its been said before me.)
rise against fan

Quote by Andrea55
My favorite anteater.


Quote by trueamerican
Not only do you have good taste in music, but you have good taste in politics
#13


Seriously?


Wow

muledit:
Quote by MH400
Sit with her all day, and talk about feelings.

And this.
RIP Gooze

cats
#14
Quote by k-train
get another girl involved and write it into the contract if you catch my drift.

also sammich. make her make one for you. (typical pit responce though its been said before me.)



Ho-ho, that's what I'm talking about, I didn't think of that. I may be able to do something there.


And there is too little precious time to talk about feelings, unless we're talking about arousal.
#16
Quote by slash_GNR666
1) Suck dick all day.

2) Fist yourself anally

3) Make Sandwich (Wash hands)

4) Leave

+1

Dick sucking and sandwiching making are essentials. Steak also needs to be included somewhere in your list.
#17
Happy birthday!

I'll talk about feelings with you.


by that I mean I'll fist you.

But really be awesome and win her back! Make her a nice dinner and the works.
ಠ_ಠ
#18
inb4 "surprise buttsecks"

Happy birthday, dude!
Squier "VMC" Stratocaster
PRS SE Singlecut
tc electronic polytune
CMAT MODS Signa Drive
Blakemore Effects Deus Ex Machina
DIY gaussmarkov Dr. Boogey
EHX Small Clone
Mooer ShimVerb
DIY Beavis Devolt
T-REX Fuel Tank Chameleon
Ampeg GVT52-112
#19
She's your ex, and would do anything?

I'd make her beg for money on the off ramp of a free way all day, and give you 100% of the proceeds, then, she makes you that sandwich.
If Trivium was copying Metallica, wouldn't Lars have sued them for copyright infringement?
#20
Quote by DrYCeLL
She's your ex, and would do anything?

I'd make her beg for money on the off ramp of a free way all day, and give you 100% of the proceeds, then, she makes you that sandwich.



Yeah, anything.


Anything man.

Anything

But I'm not going to be cruel to her, shit, I mean I only have one day.


Still gettin' that sammich though.
#21
Quote by howplayguitar?
Yeah, anything.


Anything man.

Anything

But I'm not going to be cruel to her, shit, I mean I only have one day.


Still gettin' that sammich though.


If she will do anything for one day, make her agree to be your slave for the rest of your life.

Then you can do cruel stuff aswell.....**** it just do cruel stuff, it's not like your married or love her or shit
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#22
Quote by howplayguitar?
Well, the suck dick all day is going to happen almost definately, and I'm sure I can throw a sammich or two in there, but I don't think the anal fisting fits the occasion. And the "leave" part is the best part.

ololol
Quote by blue_strat
This is Germany we're talking about.


Germany


Quote by stoner179
Thanks alot. When i read the first sentence, i dont know why, but i laughed in the middle of my first class at tech school. You sir have made me look like a fool for the first and last time
#23
Quote by howplayguitar?
Yeah, anything.


Anything man.

Anything

But I'm not going to be cruel to her, shit, I mean I only have one day.


Still gettin' that sammich though.

But.....it's mad good money, and she has to be your ex for a reason.

Fine.

Sandwich, a clause in the contract making this an annual tradition, and then another sandwich.

EDIT: oh yeah, got caught up thinking of sandwiches. Happy Birthday.
If Trivium was copying Metallica, wouldn't Lars have sued them for copyright infringement?
Last edited by DrYCeLL at Apr 7, 2011,
#24
Quote by DrYCeLL
But.....it's mad good money, and she has to be your ex for a reason.

Fine.

Sandwich, a clause in the contract making this an annual tradition, and then another sandwich.


Thanks all who said happy birthday.

That annual tradition thing was the best idea so far, definitely going in there. Genius.

By the way, anyone know where I may purchase a piece of old fashioned parchment? Maybe even a scroll? Probably a quail feather too.

The reason she is my ex is....complicated.
#25
Quote by howplayguitar?
Thanks all who said happy birthday.

That annual tradition thing was the best idea so far, definitely going in there. Genius.

By the way, anyone know where I may purchase a piece of old fashioned parchment? Maybe even a scroll? Probably a quail feather too.

The reason she is my ex is....complicated.


Parchment? Is your "ex-girlfriend" your grandma?
#26
It seems you both like each other. Ask her out!
Quote by guitarxo
I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

Quote by Bladez22


every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking


#27
Keep it a secret for the whole day to keep her nervous and then with a minute left tell her that there's is no secret.


That is my fetish.
Quote by the_white_bunny
your just a simpleton that cant understand strategy apparently.

Quote by the_white_bunny
all hail king of the penis sucking(i said balls. you said dick for some reason?) Isabiggles
#28
TS, your story is totally made up and I don't believe one word.

Why would your ex gf (implying you actually had a gf to begin with) be willing to do anything you want for one day?

Pics or it didn't happen.
(but please only the sandwich part of it, I don't wish to see your private parts)
#29
So you are spending this one day sat on UG with her?
Co-President of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club

#30
Quote by fearofthemark
It seems you both like each other. Ask her out!

Then fisting.

Get into some S&M shit, it's a lot of fun. And the asphyxiation thing, it's a bit of a giggle.
Horseness is the whatness of allhorse.
We are all Neil Lennon
UG GT5 group
#32
Quote by G.Krizzel
TS, your story is totally made up and I don't believe one word.

Why would your ex gf (implying you actually had a gf to begin with) be willing to do anything you want for one day?

Pics or it didn't happen.
(but please only the sandwich part of it, I don't wish to see your private parts)



It's okay, I expected this.

She would be willing to do this because I have mind control over the bitches, and I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

I'll probably get a picture of her making the sandwich, and me eating said sandwich, but it won't be until next week because we didn't agree on this until last night, so that answers your question JamieB.

The closest I've ever got to S&M was a good ass whippin', and there will probably be some of that too, but probably not on the contract, it's not mandatory, and will probably be a surprise, much like the buttsex.

EDIT: You sure you don't want my private parts?
Last edited by howplayguitar? at Apr 7, 2011,
#33
play guitar at full volume to some awesome song whilst sexing her. Write that into your contract somehow.

Also make sammich

Edit - and how could i forget that she cant wear pants/skirt/underwear/anything on her bottom half at all, well maybe except if youre in public.
Last edited by CreepingDeath13 at Apr 7, 2011,
#34
Quote by howplayguitar?
It's okay, I expected this.

She would be willing to do this because I have mind control over the bitches, and I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

I'll probably get a picture of her making the sandwich, and me eating said sandwich, but it won't be until next week because we didn't agree on this until last night, so that answers your question JamieB.

The closest I've ever got to S&M was a good ass whippin', and there will probably be some of that too, but probably not on the contract, it's not mandatory, and will probably be a surprise, much like the buttsex.

EDIT: You sure you don't want my private parts?

Mind control her to make me a sandwich then.
If Trivium was copying Metallica, wouldn't Lars have sued them for copyright infringement?
#35
Quote by deathdrummer
tell her to make you a sandwich.


What is this that stands before me?

Figure in black that points at me...


FUCKETH THINE SELF
#37
Quote by G.Krizzel
TS, your story is totally made up and I don't believe one word.

Why would your ex gf (implying you actually had a gf to begin with) be willing to do anything you want for one day?

Pics or it didn't happen.
(but please only the sandwich part of it, I don't wish to see your private parts)



But we may wish to see her private parts?
Co-President of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club

#38
Quote by JamieB
But we may wish to see her private parts?


I don't think she'd be down for that...unless maybe I covered the good bits in sandwiches, but that means I'd have to eat that many more sammiches, and that takes away from the time I could be using to sex her up.
#40
Chuck in something quirky just for a laugh as well, like every time you clap twice she has to stand up, sing and act out "I'm a Little Teapot." But better. You have an imagination, use it goddamnit!

Also, sammiches.
I want to read your essays and blogs of the artistic nature!


Art evokes the mystery without which the world would not exist.

- Rene Magritte
Page 1 of 3