#1
27mg
extended release friend
that keeps me always fitting in
I hope I understand
that it's not me I want to hide
It's what I make me do
and say or never ever even
pay attention to.
My deficit is one
that only ever holds me back
but since I met my friend
I have moved forward to attack
and with you by my side
my woe's are guaranteed to end
and that is why I love
my little pale blue-grey friend.


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I haven't written anything I feel is worthy to be read and honestly critiqued on here, so I decided I'd put this up here.
It's something I wrote about my ADHD medication :P Very simplistic rhyming schemes and pattern was intentional, it's not supposed to be taken at anything more than face value :P
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
Last edited by Mr.Pink101 at Apr 9, 2011,
#2
I guess it's okay for what it is. I think you writing exactly what it was about in the paragraph above was a mistake, as it took all the mystery out of it, and I don't think it's strong enough to add anything after that. It's like a bad trailer for a movie, taking all the fun parts, and showing you before hand. If you felt it was needed just stick it at the bottom I guess.

But I like the idea, I think it could just use a little more color and personality. Maybe one or two specific examples of your ADHD behavior.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."