I think that this is good, and it certainly has a strong element of pain in it. It feels so personal, I find it awkward to critique.

That said I think 'your ribs are just a cage' should be on a seperate line. And I wonder why the scream at the beginning, turns to whisper at the end.

This is nice.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
Excellent. This is very different to what I usually read around this place, especially in terms of execution. The whole piece was really unique, especially "like an 'our father'" line. Although, I believe that 'pilows' shouldn't be on a seperate line. Apart from that, I really enjoyed this. I understand that this piece is a work in progress, but as it is, it is great; I can't wait to see where you take this.

And thank you for critiquing my last two pieces. MUCH appreciated.