#1
something out of nothing
the beauty of nothing being
something can be anything
in short, this is everything
you always dreamed
of a house on a hill
the flutter smile
or all you've come to fear
mostly dying from lies
catching up, leaving
real blood not ketchup

a choice
from my space, so clear
live life like recess or
pretend you aren't here
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#2
I liked everything from "you always dreamed" to the end, it moves well and has some well-written lines. The last stanza really worked and I like the slight shift in style, great way to close the piece. I didn't like the first four lines, though. They seemed rather mundane and didn't really go anywhere or really set up for the meat and potatoes of the piece. I'd just give them a quick revision or even cut them out because the rest of this is fantastic and worthy of a final draft.

Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."