#1
It began...

Many years on the African Sands
God blew the breath of life
Came forth created man
On two legs he'd stand
The world he could command
He could make love and war with the same two hands
And he did.............

Erected Pyrmids in his honor
Forgot the face of his father
Wicked Ways to His Daughter
Started Wars
Put His Brethren To The Slaughter

His soul bartered with evil
Wealth greed and envy
For self we never be stingy
Gently we gave ourselves to these enemies
Never timidly
We head for the night
Shunning the light

Walkinging Through Life, Lifeless
Sitting In The Dark, Lightless
Turning our souls, Midas
#2
Extremely confusing. It looks like you flip around between God and man so much.
Like on the third line you say God would stand on two legs, when you probably meant to say that man would.. but then you go back to talking about commanding the world..
And then in the second paragraph you have a capitalized 'his' and a non-capitalized one meaning you're talking about God and man.

just things like that.

Needs to be written better.. in terms of english.
#3
Quote by TechnicolorType
Extremely confusing. It looks like you flip around between God and man so much.
Like on the third line you say God would stand on two legs, when you probably meant to say that man would.. but then you go back to talking about commanding the world..
And then in the second paragraph you have a capitalized 'his' and a non-capitalized one meaning you're talking about God and man.

just things like that.

Needs to be written better.. in terms of english.

I love the concept but do agree that there are few things that need to be straightened out, I dont necessarily see the god and man lines as a problem it was mainly some of the wording you used that didnt really fit.