#1
..... not sure what to call this...... little pieces of me........ c4c?


What IS deviance in a society rapidly drifting toward contradiction? What's sin today, will saintly be tomorrow. It's hard to tell what's acceptable these days. It takes a lot of reading magazines, and updating yourself with the latest Wikipedia articles. Lots of news, with just enough fear so it doesn't seem like they're trying to scare us so much as warn us.

People talk to me about morals and I laugh. Do I really need to be in sync with a society whose unsure itself where the black and white lines of deviant and acceptable behavior are drawn?

I won't be satisfied until the lines are completely blurred an ugly grey color. And no one can tell the difference between right and wrong any more. A totally chaotic reality where people are completely lost of the value of anything.

I guess I have to strive toward these beliefs to make any sort of sense of my life. I make money selling burgers and french fries, and I'm 22 and I hangout with teenagers still. Is it okay to tell a girl at work that youre a gentleman because you always ask permission to cum on a girl's face? Is that socially acceptable behavior?

Is it okay to come to work high? Is it okay to tell a girl youre going to make her cry, because her boyfriend doesn't know how? Is that sexual harassment? Or should I just **** her boyfriend and take her to new york city with me?

In a life that may as well have never existed, I am totally justified in pursuing meaninglessness and nothingness. The pursuit of nothingness is a graceful, destructive stroll, around the same circular avenue for eternity.
#3
Someday, when you aren't 22 and learn how to construct a legible sentence, you'll realize that the world doesn't care what you think about it. And you'll also realize that Bukowski was average on his best day.
#5
Quote by clichealias
Well, you are a feminist. I doubt you'd ever appreciate Bukowski either.


This is something I recognise, yay!!

Quote by clichealias
..... not sure what to call this...... little pieces of me........ c4c?


What IS deviance in a society rapidly drifting toward contradiction? What's sin today, will saintly be tomorrow. It's hard to tell what's acceptable these days. It takes a lot of reading magazines, and updating yourself with the latest Wikipedia articles. Lots of news, with just enough fear so it doesn't seem like they're trying to scare us so much as warn us.

Musing are good, they expand knowledge in people that have the capacity to do so. Capitals are ugly though, so I'd italic "is". I guess definition of 'they're' in the last line would go some way to direct the reader, I mean for all I know you could walk around wearing a foil hat cause you think extraterrestrials are listening. This is a hard thing to crit, it is little pieces of you so technically, which I'd normally focus on, I can offer very little. What you say is true though.

People talk to me about morals and I laugh. Do I really need to be in sync with a society whose unsure itself where the black and white lines of deviant and acceptable behavior are drawn?

I won't be satisfied until the lines are completely blurred an ugly grey color. And no one can tell the difference between right and wrong any more. A totally chaotic reality where people are completely lost of the value of anything.

We're well on the way, aren't we? Ugly could be replaced by something less standard, something with a bit of venom? Other than that it's coherant, clear and self-motivated so it's all pretty spot on.

I guess I have to strive toward these beliefs to make any sort of sense of my life. I make money selling burgers and french fries, and I'm 22 and I hangout with teenagers still. Is it okay to tell a girl at work that youre a gentleman because you always ask permission to cum on a girl's face? Is that socially acceptable behavior?

Lose the 'and' before you mention you're age. I like the change here. The cum thing is a little blunt, but I guess the base-ness of it works. Not a lot to say.

Is it okay to come to work high? Is it okay to tell a girl youre going to make her cry, because her boyfriend doesn't know how? Is that sexual harassment? Or should I just **** her boyfriend and take her to new york city with me?

Here's where it descends a little too far, it just seems a little rant like now, too many questions, too much rhetoric, not enough focus. I tell us about here in a more narrative form, bit of description maybe, I know that's my niche, but a little bit would work wonders.

In a life that may as well have never existed, I am totally justified in pursuing meaninglessness and nothingness. The pursuit of nothingness is a graceful, destructive stroll, around the same circular avenue for eternity.

Beautiful ending, I need to say nothing.


I've got a piece floating around on page 2 probably by now, if you wouldn't mind.

peACE
Nice to see you still posting.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#6
well I for one enjoyed it, I can understand ^ saying it seems you got a little lost & a little rant like, but your brought it back together at the end with "The pursuit of nothingness is a graceful, destructive stroll, around the same circular avenue for eternity." I feel this entire piece walked that exact circle you describe and therefore made it a complete piece. I liked it, keep it up
#8
if you don't vote for one of the two people who promise to bomb the shit out of innocent poor people half a world away, you don't get to complain.

**** people pushing fake morals.
#9
You seem angry like most feminists. Sorry your father didn't love you... My mom was a crazy bitch so I sort of understand.

"Someday when you die(which will be soon) and youre waiting for the final existential punchline... I wish I could see the look on your face when you find out it was all a jerkoff joke." I'd say I'm referencing Philosophy more than religion. Nihilism nor existentialism are religions...

And you talk a lot about my grammar and a lot about my personal values. Fail to correct any grammar, or just bash me? This is a critique forum. And you know nothing about me or my education.

You wouldn't even want to know. You've already wrapped up who I am in your tidy little naive mind. And frankly, I'm okay with that.
#12
Uuhhhh, it sounds like Holden Caulfield got into My Chemical Romance....

And please please please stop referring to existentialism when you comment man!
If this was a serious attempt at existentialism then top marks for trying, but you've sort of missed the point. With all this finger-pointing you're doing, you're being the stereotype existentialist, even a parody of existentialism!

Existentialism is about not feeling despair at the forces around us we can't control and succumbing to helplessness, but taking control and responsibility of those that you CAN and enjoying the consequences that come with those choices!

I really am sorry if I myself have missed the whole point of this argument and posted something stupid, but I'm calling it as I see it and even if I am stupid, then at least I've learnt
#13
I'm just curious... does anyone have any actual opinions on my piece of writing? Or shall I assume everyone has opinions vacant of substance based on comments I posted here?

No. This piece of writing had nothing to do with existentialism. And I'm really proud of everyone who is an expert on the matter. Considering I clearly know nothing about it. With such solid arguments how could I debate with you? And I'd love to engage you in an awesome conversation about that... but I have speed to snort. Shit. Maybe some other time.
#14
People have been critting it the whole page you're just getting butthurt and chosing to ignore it.

You're piece isn't very good in my opinion. Sure you've got a message but there's no craft. This doesn't make it 'pure' or to the point despite what i imagine you think, it just prevents it from being at all universal and stops everyone but you from connecting with it on all but an intellectual level. What's more, on an intellectual level this fails. It's a series of contrived musings that betray a juvenile appreciation of nihilism and existentialism, but seem to use the subject matter as an excuse to refrain from using the very artistic devices that would give this some potency. Get rid of the 'deep' stuff and change the superior tone that pervades this piece and you'll improve your writing.
#16
Quote by clichealias
I'm just curious... does anyone have any actual opinions on my piece of writing? Or shall I assume everyone has opinions vacant of substance based on comments I posted here?

No. This piece of writing had nothing to do with existentialism. And I'm really proud of everyone who is an expert on the matter. Considering I clearly know nothing about it. With such solid arguments how could I debate with you? And I'd love to engage you in an awesome conversation about that... but I have speed to snort. Shit. Maybe some other time.



Ahhh man, I guess you really are the character presented in your little story. I think the only person who can be accused of being a full-blown arsehole is yourself! Stop wrapping yourself up in condescension and believing that you MUST be right and all others wrong. I know taking critique isn't very NICE but if you've put something up here, don't dare put it solely for praise. Thats a real fag-move.

And, the guy you're railing against presented a well-worded, reasonable, logical argument against you. And your comeback? To tell us how cool you are with your young, hip, party drugs. Good man.

Also, you don't know anything about Existentialism. And if you do, you've learnt the Wikipedia explanation pretty well. Congrats.

And finally, being a writer is about bearing your soul for all to see but disguising it so only a few can really see.
All you've done is whipped out the tissues and bought My First Emo Story. Again, congrats.
Last edited by Bag'ed at Apr 18, 2011,
#17
You want criticisms on the content? You're right, you're allowed to strive for a life of meaningless. As long as you find your life to be the as fulfilling as it can be, then that's all that matters. However, understand that by virtue of living in a society, you are bound by the obligations of the social contract. And you are not to infringe on the rights of others in that society, or you are to be subjected to the punishments society has agreed upon for your actions.

To answer your questions: It is acceptable to come work high if you are not impaired in any way whatsoever. If you are impaired to any degree in performing your duties, or non-work related responsibilities from the mere act of being in society, then it is up to your supervisor/customers/the public to decide if it is to a degree worthy of punishment. As for your comment towards the girl, that all depends on if she wants it or not. As sexuality either requires a level of trust, or lust, she will surely let you know if one or both are present; if not, no go. And then, to answer the next question, it does fall under sexual harassment. And, as should be obvious, the last question depends on whether the girl is compliant or not. If so, it may not be right for her to up and leave her boyfriend, but this obviously depends on the situation and how she handles it, and any judgment lies on her, as it is her relationship.

The fourth paragraph is just riddled with fallacies. You do not have to gravitate towards your beliefs in order to make sense of your life. There are plenty of other explanations, after all. But those beliefs do not justify your lifestyle, which seems to be what you desire. Rather than even face the possibility that you are living your life incorrectly, you avoid conflict and look to blindly defend your actions; the fact these beliefs can act as a blanket excuse for any and all actions makes it more convenient and appealing.

The second fallacy lies in the last two sentences. You claim to find society's opinions ambiguous, almost fleeting, and irrelevant. Yet, you then juxtapose questions of moral righteousness and social acceptance. To me, this sounds like you are not quite grounded in your anti-societal beliefs, and still hold those beliefs you want to disown as an almost universal truth. This lack of conviction again leads me to believe your attitude is not held strongly, but is more a convenient excuse than anything. If moral "right" is not determined by society, but by the individual, as you seem to imply a favor towards, then it seems odd you would bother with society's opinion at all.

If you're asking about grammatical errors and structural weaknesses, however, that's another topic I could gladly dissect your piece in that light if it is to your pleasure. You sound pretty up for a philosophical debate, judging by your last post, so I'm sure you won't waste time with such irrelevancies as clear and concise communication, and I look forward to hearing your rebuttal to what I hope are arguments you will find more solid and suitable to your liking.
#18
The second fallacy lies in the last two sentences. You claim to find society's opinions ambiguous, almost fleeting, and irrelevant. Yet, you then juxtapose questions of moral righteousness and social acceptance. To me, this sounds like you are not quite grounded in your anti-societal beliefs, and still hold those beliefs you want to disown as an almost universal truth. This lack of conviction again leads me to believe your attitude is not held strongly, but is more a convenient excuse than anything. If moral "right" is not determined by society, but by the individual, as you seem to imply a favor towards, then it seems odd you would bother with society's opinion at all.

If you're asking about grammatical errors and structural weaknesses, however, that's another topic I could gladly dissect your piece in that light if it is to your pleasure. You sound pretty up for a philosophical debate, judging by your last post, so I'm sure you won't waste time with such irrelevancies as clear and concise communication, and I look forward to hearing your rebuttal to what I hope are arguments you will find more solid and suitable to your liking."

That is an incredible assessment of my life. I completely agree with you.

I guess I was honestly just getting kind of mad because it seems like people are judging my character rather than just accepting him for his flaws. People are flawed. I am flawed. And I'll be the first to admit that my beliefs are not all that well grounded, and I can be very wishy-washy depending on my current state of affairs.

I am mocking myself a lot of the time when I post, or even in my writing. I try to tell the truth, and the truth is very blurry and confusing to me. I don't expect it to be concise to anyone else.

Thanks everyone for even reading this. It's not my intention to actually offend anyone... sometimes I just get lost in characters that I play. It's seriously hard to tell who I really am any more.