#1
Welcome To Our World
(A song I wrote for a girl to sing)

I never wanted to see
A broken part of me
Its so empty and quiet
I won't turn around
You never thought of me
As the perfect one
So look around and identify

Walking towards the edge
I never thought I could see it
It never came to me
That this what we could be

We could never see
What we wanted to be now
A perfect ending
To what should have never happened

Welcome to our world
Its everything you made me dream every night
Welcome to my life
It's nothing you thought it would be
at all...

-Any critique would be helpful thanks-
Only in music can you have 20 different thoughts to make up one idea
Last edited by Thefinalbeat at Apr 10, 2011,
#2
Hey, I really like the last two stanzas. The rest was alright, nothing amazing but not bad. But hey, a girl's voice makes anything better One part doesn't make much sense though; in the first verse, it's all fine, but the last line doesn't seem to make much sense. It seems to just end. Identify what, exactly? I mean, sometimes a line dropping off like that can add mystery to it, and can be great if used effectively, but here it just leaves the reader confused.

Great job, man, I wouldn't mind hearing the final thing
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1429790