#1
Certainty and clarity
are lo-fi VHS memories
of yellow grass and cold water;
four bodies in co-existence
prior to acquiescence.

I can’t stand
the disorienting sharp edges
of definition
seen over
and over
again.
Either guilt by association
or an untenable
claim to sanity;
not that it matters.

It leaves a foul taste
of the synthetic and sanitary;
whitewashing memories
while I’d rather cleanse them
in the rain.
Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#2
The imagery in this was really good, I liked the use of words like 'lo-fi' or 'sharp edges of definition,' because it added to how I viewed the scene, which I think is one of the themes of your poem. I didn't much like the rhyme at the end of the first stanza, but the word choice was good at the same time, so it's a toss up for me, I'm just not the biggest fan of rhyming like that.
I really enjoyed the last stanza, it was by far my favourite. The 'whitewashing memories' line had a great flow and rhythm to it.
I didn't care much for the first line of the second stanza, I felt it added an abruptness to the poem that threw me off a bit. The rest of it is more smooth and relaxing, but that line felt like it was jutting out at the beginning of the stanza, it threw me off a bit. Other than that, I really enjoyed it
#3
really enjoyed this. "certainty and clarity are lo-fi VHS memories" is a razor-sharp opening line, in my opinion. I loved the subtle oximorons that are scattered throughout this. They work because of that subtlety; something "sanitary" leaving a "foul taste", the "sharp edges of definition" being "disorienting", etc. Great job. It added a lot of depth to the piece for me.

For me personally, "yellow grass and cold water" didn't really do much for me. You sort of just dropped those off and then moved on without returning to them. I'm sure that image holds some personal signifance but from an outsider's perspective, I couldn't make anything tangible out of it, nor build any type of aesthetic. Something a little more concrete could work.

Another great poem, in my opinion.
here, My Dear, here it is
#7
hoooooooooooooooooooooooooly this is good. enjambment was meticulously placed. everything fits here. so deserving.
#8
Thanks so much for the recognition! I haven't written in a few days but this is really encouraging and inspiring so I'm determined to get back into a rhythm.

Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#10
very nice
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




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