#1
I watched you eating wild strawberries underneath the acacias,
Staring with starry eyes at the sequoia
Which stood in the woods like a halcyon monster

It could’ve been forever that you watched its body shimmer
As I waited for the dusk so as to watch the moonlight glimmer

You told me that the day was going to last forever;
I laughed and waited harder.

Today I learned that death is but an unfounded rumour.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#2
I liked this.

Would've removed the "so as" in the second line of the second stanza.

Even though this isn't flashy poetry, it's a nice message, good imagery and a good last line. Well done.
#3
This really got the atmosphere right, I think. It has a real depth to it. Good stuff.
We're only strays.
#4
I think the alliteration in the first stanza is overdone. There's just so many soft c's and s's, it all just hisses on the tongue. Which isn't necessarily bad, but I don't think it fits quite the mood you're trying to set here. "Starry eyes" is a bit of a cliche, as well. I read this first part as tranquil and beautiful, "monster" just referring to it's size and therefore the soft hissing alliteration is too sinister. It may just be personal preference though.

Not sure why the tree was shimmering, feel I need to bit more to clue me in on that part.

Seems you're trying to connect the age of the sequoia to death somehow, I don't know...it doesn't lead anywhere solid for me right now.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#6
The whole of the first stanza read a like a bit of an ode to words that aren't seen together. Like you were just trying to fit words like halcyon, sequia and acacia into a long sentence. The enjambment between line 2 and 3 was particularly jarring. Starry eyes is an easy image that doesn't evoke much.

Once this settled into place, sections 2 and 3 had a nice warming calm about them. Like listening to someone much wiser than yourself tell you that we all die, but it will turn out all right anyways.

I'd appreciate just a read/bump/thought on Hail if you have time. Nice to read you again.