#1
This is my first song so I'm looking for opinions, want to know I haven't written complete shit lol

Laura why are you leaving town?
I thought they were rumors
And the song I am writing now
I am singing to strangers

And I know you made a promise once, how we would drink wine by the river
But you couldn't stay long enough, I wish we had thought of it sooner

Laura all the records you gave to me
Have been kept in the cupboard
Where I store my old memories
I don't know why I bother.

And when you said goodbye on the telephone, I was quick to surrender
I should have tried to argue then, but my mind knows me better

Laura were you singing that awful tune
I used to play with your brother?
Remember those sixties blues songs
You made us cover together?

Laura I've been thinking about the sun
I'll forget by the summer
Yeah the winters been dragging on
But it will end like the others

And I hope you are laughing there, in your coast view apartment
Yeah the one that your father bought, I know you left with resentment
But time has no memory, no, it just takes an instant
Before you're forgetting me and that music filled basement.

__

Willing to give a go at critiquing others pieces - I'm quite new to all this though.
Last edited by ac11 at Apr 14, 2011,
#3
This is very, very well put together. I'd love to hear it to music, man. Add me as a friend or message me or something when you get it recorded, I really want to hear it.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#4
Quote by PanamaJack666
I like it, well written! What you thinking for the music behind it?


Quote by JustRooster
This is very, very well put together. I'd love to hear it to music, man. Add me as a friend or message me or something when you get it recorded, I really want to hear it.


Thank you both! Glad you like it. Made a few changes/additions, but I think it's for the better.

I play acoustic, and I think a bluesy feel would be really appropriate, maybe with some piano.
#5
Quote by JustRooster
This is very, very well put together. I'd love to hear it to music, man. Add me as a friend or message me or something when you get it recorded, I really want to hear it.

seconded.

It's nice to hear some good blues lyrics - quite few and far between nowadays. Likin' it OP .
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#7
Quote by PanamaJack666
I like it, well written! What you thinking for the music behind it?


This is very good, and I assume a 60s blues feel would be the style of the song. I would definitely like to think this can be a good Cream style song- or the Animals.
#8
Quote by 21wickwing
This is very good, and I assume a 60s blues feel would be the style of the song. I would definitely like to think this can be a good Cream style song- or the Animals.


Quote by SKArface McDank
niceee, record this!


Quote by Banjocal
seconded.

It's nice to hear some good blues lyrics - quite few and far between nowadays. Likin' it OP .


Glad this has been well received. I'll be recording it as soon as I get back to my guitar next week and will upload a copy here or somewhere.