#1
Just wanted some feedback.

Sunspot

Sunspot bleeds through tattered rag;
Light travels for miles through my mind
Dried out, barren and fully empty;
In file line, compliance is sufficient
I know its the dark of shade that stands before me,
The echo of solid dirt as it runs through my head

Solid stone sorrows this cold hearth
Broken in the end as we all are,
This, they say, happens every time;
Sanity slips, the same world in new eyes
Altered perception, I have felt the taste of sound
Source and cause remain open to debate

There is not enough time, perhaps it's time enough
The soul is so---touch and go, null and void at birth
Existence as an offering, binding chains that expire
Senescence is found at the end of this woe,
Thrown through the pit, it does seem a mountain over me;
Before long the remains are of cloth and bone

Talk in phrases, heart-to-heart
Silent in the end as we all are,
There is nothing left to say
Scratchings on paper, our free will;
Consciousness, empathy
Then the cessation of all biological function
I have felt the taste of sound.
Last edited by GypsyJive at Apr 18, 2011,
#3
Remember to critique as many other people as you can and kindly ask for a return. I just wanted to say that and to say I enjoyed reading this.