#1
My trouser-snake stands up and cheers
When confronted with boobs in brassieres;
But, in charming my cobra,
The bosom with no bra
Can almost reduce it to tears.

Thought this might be a good idea for a thread >_>

go
#2
I suppose the preferred format would look more like:

There once was a man named Piatt,
who's sexual habits were a riot.
From horses to hens,
To mice and men,
If it had a hole, he would try it.

Sorry for double post, just wanted to clarify in case someone didn't know what a limerick was >_>
#4
One night, I ****ed my sister.
Next morning, my dick had a blister.
So, I went to the doc.
I had an STD on my ****.
I **** her no more, just kiss her.
#6
I like rape,
lubrication with a grape,
murder them when I'm done,
otherwise it's no fun,
fly away with my cape.

i wrote that. **** yeah
#7
There was a girl called Jill
who used dynamite for a sexual thrill
they found her vagina in south carolina
and bits of her tits in brazil.
E Family
E-Son to OldiebutNewbie
E-Brother to Andrea55
E-Brother to guitarxo
E-Uncle to Basti95
#8
^^^Try harder next time cuz it sucks.

There was a young man from Keeling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
and then like a trout
he'd stick his mouth out
and wait for the drips from the ceiling

There was a young man from Cancoun
who was born 9 months too soon
he didn't have the luck
to be born by a f uck
he was scraped off the sheets with a spoon

There was a lady named Dot
who lived on pig shit and snot
then she would sneeze
as she ate the bleu cheese
that she scraped from the sides of her twat

There was a young man from Nantucket
whose dick was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a c unt I would f uck it"

There was a man from Kent
whose dick was so long that it bent
to save him some trouble
he'd stick it in double
and instead of cumming he went
Last edited by LeftyDave at Apr 14, 2011,
#9
There once was a girl from Decator
who was laid by a big alligator
nobody knew
the results of that screw
'cuz after he laid her, he ate her.


If anyone is really creative, you should try to make up your own
#11
Quote by Plundermaster
There once was a girl from Decator
who was laid by a big alligator
nobody knew
the results of that screw
'cuz after he laid her, he ate her.


If anyone is really creative, you should try to make up your own


jea straight up nigga. i be makin up mah own and these bustaz be copy and pastin
#12
Women are stupid, and I don't respect them,
That's right, I just have sex with them,

Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)
Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)

You're talking to me about stuff, why?
I'd rather see your titties,
Now you're talking to me about other stuff, why?
I'd much rather see your titties,

I can't have sex with your personality,
And I can't put my penis in your college degree,
And I can't shove my fist in your childhood dreams,
So why're you sharing all this information with me?

It's not sexist 'cause I'm saying it in a song,
That's right bitch, now take off your thong, and...

Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)
Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)

Knock knock, who's there?
It's me, wondering why you're not naked,
Knock knock, who's there?
Me again, still wondering why you're not naked,

I wanna see your bum, I don't care what you say,
No I don't have feelings, 'cause feelings are gay,
Something something in the month of May,
Bitches love my penis 'cause it's really big,

Girl's brains are much stupider than men's are,
So they should always listen to us, 'cause we're smart,
Women are only good for three things,
Cooking, cleaning, and vaginas,

Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)
Show me your genitals, your genitals,
(What!)
Show me your genitals,
(Your genitalia!)

I can give good sex to you,
'Cause I'm really good at sex,
I can give good sex to you,
'Cause I'm really good at sex,

Aww yeah, that's right,
Shake your...bums,
I'm out of here,
I gotta...go have sex with a lot of girls.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#13
aww man snowman be my friend you're so cool. he asked for limericks but you just posted lyrics because you aint give a ****. man what a renegade. aww be my friend please?
#15
Quote by itorch
There was a girl called Jill
who used dynamite for a sexual thrill
they found her vagina in south carolina
and bits of her tits in brazil.


I was just trying to remember that one! My version is a tad different:

There was a young lady named Jill
who swallowed an exploding pill
they found her vagina
in north carolina
and her tits on a tree in brazil
#16
I know, but I don't care.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#19
I'm sure one of the verses is a limerick, if you want it to be hard enough.

It's dirty.
Quote by Athabasca
My ex did the same. Cheated on me and then acted like I'd given her sister a facial. Women are retarded.
#20
There was a young fellow from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart God Save the Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Hayden Octet in B-Major.

His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of shit.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr.

He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.