accly was dolan
Join date: Aug 2009
1,433 IQ
Sup, Jonny.

Looks like I'll be your first crit. Just to tell you how stuff generally works on here, if you crit someone else's song, and then post a link to one of your songs, it's pretty much an unwritten law that you have to crit them back. I'll do this one free, though, so don't worry about that. But that's probably how you'll get most of your crits.

I'm importing this into guitar pro just so I can call out measure numbers if I need to.

First few measures sound really good. That's a pretty cool layered sound you have going there. But I have a problem with when 9 comes in. It's pretty much in a completely different key as the first part, which you continue in the square, and it clashes rather horribly. Just change the synth bass part to mesh with it better and it'll sound fine.

Riff at 20 is pretty sweet. I really dig how you continue the synth thing in the guitar, sounds quite cool.

Synth thing at 27 sounds a bit weird there. You have tritone stuff going on while under it you have bare fifths in the guitar. That never works. Just make the synth do fifths.

I like 46 a lot, but the transition into 55 is kind of sudden. A lot of them are, actually. Some of these ideas sound like they could be different songs, almost. I think you should work on just bridging ideas in such a way that they create a singular sound. Don't be afraid to nix the first idea you come up with when you start working on song, just put it aside for later and use it for something else. In the long run it makes for a better, more cohesive composition.

The parts themselves are really good, but just the way they fit together seems to be a bit strange, and leaves the listener kind of confused.
Last edited by Tarbosh at Apr 15, 2011,
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
306 IQ
hmm id like to hear the finished product of this it sounds intresting but i think some parts need a clean up but once you post the full one i will do a big crit
Silver Satellite Eyes
Join date: Feb 2007
718 IQ
You've got a real rolo tomassi thing going on here and I love it.

Once I've had time to digest structure and such like via the GP file I'll think about giving you another crit.

I will say one thing though, don't stick to one key at a time if you don't want to. Clashing? Fancy words for "in my personal opinion that doesn't work". Well, not all the time... haha but in this case its true. I works for me. Not everyones cup of tea. Just, don't feel you have to tame things down, after all you're writing prog so anything goes, as we well know.