#1
(I'm unsure of this one. Bring on the criticism, I'm ready!)

Drenched again in turpentine,
trailing behind meekly bleating dusk
that stirs up smoldering tear ducts;
Sounds from lips
leafs from hair
A scar burned into my left arm,
from two years ago
and a hot iron carelessly placed.
At the time, I gritted my teeth
and silently stared down
an empty hallway.
Washing grass stains out of denim jeans,
How viscious the way that certain evening light
through gauze turns bedrooms a boring pale,
promising full of
nothing.
I couldn't see it,
the deepening green hues of earth
after a spring rain.
I couldn't---but...
Covering, dripping thick dabs
of flowering oils,
to mix with heartstrings,
to fill the void.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
#2
There are parts that strike me as jumping from one image to another without really hinting on the significance of each, but the middle of this poem doesn't suffer this - each scene was well placed. I didn't like the word 'bleating', it seems like you were trying too hard to evoke the reader. Overall, I really liked thisl; it was very well written.
#3
Some truly beautiful imagery in this piece... I agree with Bleed Away on the way it jumped around a bit but overall the writing here is outstanding. I wasn't big on the line "I couldn't---but...". It felt a little superfluous, in my opinion. That's just a little personal issue, though, this is a fantastic piece.

Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."