(I'm unsure of this one. Bring on the criticism, I'm ready!)

Drenched again in turpentine,
trailing behind meekly bleating dusk
that stirs up smoldering tear ducts;
Sounds from lips
leafs from hair
A scar burned into my left arm,
from two years ago
and a hot iron carelessly placed.
At the time, I gritted my teeth
and silently stared down
an empty hallway.
Washing grass stains out of denim jeans,
How viscious the way that certain evening light
through gauze turns bedrooms a boring pale,
promising full of
I couldn't see it,
the deepening green hues of earth
after a spring rain.
I couldn't---but...
Covering, dripping thick dabs
of flowering oils,
to mix with heartstrings,
to fill the void.
art tumblr

If I'm not raw, I'm just a bit underdone.
There are parts that strike me as jumping from one image to another without really hinting on the significance of each, but the middle of this poem doesn't suffer this - each scene was well placed. I didn't like the word 'bleating', it seems like you were trying too hard to evoke the reader. Overall, I really liked thisl; it was very well written.
Some truly beautiful imagery in this piece... I agree with Bleed Away on the way it jumped around a bit but overall the writing here is outstanding. I wasn't big on the line "I couldn't---but...". It felt a little superfluous, in my opinion. That's just a little personal issue, though, this is a fantastic piece.


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."