#1
I always love hearing stories from the Pit's users. Anyone got some interesting stories from their life? Doesn't need to be on any topic, or even humorous. Just share.

I'll start. Story from my exchange trip to Germany. One of the Americans in the group was having this party at a local pub, P42. My partner didn't really want to go, saying "Oh, people smoke a lot there, it's really bad atmosphere, etc." but I wanted to go, if only to get to know everyone better. So we bike there, and I have my first beer ever (pretty awesome beer). Slightly intoxicated, my partner and I leave the pub at 10, and start biking home. I end up turning a corner too fast, lose my grip, and mash my nads on the cross bar of the bike. It was hard riding the rest of the way home. It turns out, after we left, two Americans in our group went outside to find a place to uh...bump uglies...and ended up freaking out over the tram lift on top of the mountain, thinking the lights were a UFO. Pity I left so early.

INB4 "Cool Story Bro"
If 4 more people tell me to go back to writing The Vanishing Point, I will.


UG's Commie Pinko Bedwetter
#2
This one time at band camp...
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#3
I really feel like I should post something but I have no clue what. It's just too broad. Some people will post a manifesto >_>
POST RAWK
#5
Okay, I went to this school near Boston for this conference for college students who want to study public policy, and the first night there the organizers take us (about 40 kids) to a tavern on campus, and give us drink tickets that are only supposed to be good for non-alcoholic drinks.

I sit at the bar, and someone's left an empty Mike's Hard Lemonade bottle there, so I point to it and ask the girl for 'another one of these.' Tasted terrible as I knew it would, so then I'm like 'let's switch it up, give me a Sam Adams.'

My roommate at the conference comes up, I'm like 'another one for my friend.' Kept doing that throughout the night, then went to Ben & Jerry's after.

tl;dr: Outsmarted the bar staff at Harvard like a boss.
#6
Man with hand in back pocket feel cocky all day

Man who fart in church sit in own pew

Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.

He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.

He who plays with self, pulls boner.

Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.

House without toilet is uncanny.

Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.

Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Man who plays with self pulls boner.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep sh*t.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.

Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.

Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.

Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.

Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.

Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.

Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.

Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.
#7
Quote by Twist of fate
long list of wat


They sound more like proverbs than anecdotes
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#9
I've got one:

My cousin came out from BC one spring with his truck. We live near a lake that happens to have some excellent ATV trails, so we decided to go hit them one night. He had a Toyota Tacoma, so it's a fairly small vehicle, and able to fit through most of the narrower tracks. We were driving around back there for an hour or so, having a blast, when we came to a fork in the trail. Literally. One side had a huge ass puddle in it (that we later discovered was deeper than we ever thought it was possible for a puddle to be), so naturally, we took the other side. We get around this side of the fork, and turn the corner to see a swamp. We check it out and decide the chances we're going to get through it are pretty slim, so he tries to turn around. His truck may have been small, but these were ATV trails, meant for quads and dirtbikes. He did his best, but all he succeeded in doing was denting the driver's side door on a tree. This pissed him off a bit, so we figured we'd just blast through this bog like bosses and find some other place to turn around.
Now, Alberta swamps are very different from BC swamps. Let me describe this mud bog to you:
Thick, green muck about the consistency of syrup. It was about 8 meters long and 4 wide, taking up the whole trail. In the middle it was about one and a half feet deep.
So, we blast through it.....and sink dead smack in the middle of it, right up to the axles. By now it is about 6:30 in the evening, and we want to go home, so we have no choice but to try to dig it out. Unfortunately, he had no shovels in his truck. We were forced to resort to using the blade of a hockey stick and a broken mudflap as digging implements. After a good hour we realized we were getting nowhere, so we decided to call my parents to get them to pick us up. But this is out in the middle of butt-**** nowhere, and of course we have no cell service. So, we walk back about 2 miles over rocks and roots and all sorts of ridiculous shit to get to where we have some cell service, all without shoes (we took them off to dig the truck out because they would have become blocks of mud). We call my parents, and my dad comes with a dirtbike, some chains and boomers, and a shovel. We walk all the way BACK to the truck to work on it some more. For three more hours we try to dig it out, to no avail. At this point we're all tired and muddy and miserable, so we leave it for the night, and walk back 2 miles to where we had to leave my dad's vehicle.
The next morning, my cousin and my mom went back to dig it out. They left at 8:30. They got back at 3:30. They had to cut down the tree that he dented his door on, and hook up an intricate series of chains to get it out of that ridiculous predicament.
Best spring ever.

tl;dr, we got my cousins truck stuck so bad it took about 12 hours and the cutting down of a tree to get it out.
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Lucid Dreaming Thread
Last edited by chaos13 at Apr 16, 2011,
#10
Quote by Twist of fate

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.


Ehehehehehe....

>_>
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#12
Quote by Twist of fate
pls forgive me
Im mentally challenged and do not know them apart


Man who not know anecdote and proverb apart make unrelated post.
Tool
Sleep
Gojira
Puscifer
Neurosis
Sunn O)))
Meshuggah
Modest Mouse
Electric Wizard
Mammoth Grinder


Lucid Dreaming Thread
#13
Quote by Twist of fate
pls forgive me
Im mentally challenged and do not know them apart


Either way I managed to derive humour from quite a few
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#14
Bumping because I want to read more stories. Tell us something interesting
Tool
Sleep
Gojira
Puscifer
Neurosis
Sunn O)))
Meshuggah
Modest Mouse
Electric Wizard
Mammoth Grinder


Lucid Dreaming Thread
#15
Quote by MakinLattes
I watched my grandma do "hip hop abs" today. she shook it like a polaroid picture.

Quote by maidenrulz19
When playing any pokemon game and encountering a fisherman with 5 or 6 FUCKING MAGIKARP!!!!!!! I mean the thing is useless and it only gives like 7 exp points each. Yeah eventually that guy can have an army of gyarados but still.
#16
ITT: tl;dr
THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THIS SIG IS TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS POST OF UTTER GENIUS
#17
This one day I went into Guitar Center, looking for a new amp. So I ask an employee for a selection of really good metal amps, where I was then directed to a supply of Line 6 Spiders...
Every poster on here is a 6-foot Catholic schoolgirl with an 8-inch penis and riches beyond my wildest dreams.