#1
I had the last stanza in my head for what feels like forever, and never bothered to do anything with it, but i couldnt sleep, so here is the result.

I see you at dawn
But I find you asleep
Lost in two worlds
Yours, shall I keep

So we dance in a room
Walls caving in
Eyes are burning
As we’re trapped in sin
Lust shields our hearts
As our lives now collide
Withering away
We watch from inside

And I don’t quite know
How far we’ll fall
Not that it matters
I still want it all
So shaking hands
Seize what’s mine
Hold on tight
We’ll both be fine

But I let you go
To save what remains
Reluctantly waiting
The sensation drains
Now I find what I had
Asleep, with desire
Looking for pain
Of which I don’t tire

But time heals all wounds
or so it is said
Now what heals our memories?
Get the **** out of my head

Oh yea, obviously I'll do C4C, but i'm not that great of a writer, so i dont know how much my critique will help :P
Last edited by Redwingsrock at Apr 17, 2011,
#2
I like it. Especially:

And I don’t quite know
How far we’ll fall
Not that it matters
I still want it all