#1
Hi,

New song lyric, please comment.

Thanks

Title: Foxglove

The fox wears it's gloves,
When it creeps through the dark,
Paws masked by thimbles,
Its bite worse than its bark.

Fair pink lipped bells,
That chime upon the air,
Sighing like lost trumpets,
Yearning for love to spare.

Chorus
Enchanting flowers sing,
Harbouring your bees,
Listen close and hear the bells,
Cackle on the breeze.

Sunshines in the garden,
Of misguided hearts,
Foxglove sitting silent,
Nestled in the shady parts.

Ribbons of desire,
That you coiled in so long
Never did you realize,
You were dancing to a siren's song
Last edited by facemelt365 at Apr 25, 2011,
#2
I don't think I quite understand this line: "Its bite wrose that its bark." And also, think you mean "siren's". Apart from those little nitpicks, this is a really strong song lyrics. The craftmanship and imagery makes this worlds ahead of most of the lyrics that are posted here.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Apr 19, 2011,
#3
Thanks for the comment 'Its bite worse than its bark' is meant to be a reversal of the phrase 'Their bark is worse than their bite'. The reversal of it is an attempt to show how people who seem harmless can be more dangerous than they look. Also, cheers for the grammatical correction coz mi gamma aint not so gud
#4
This is kinda cool and different, your use of a fox with gloves and foxglove, though I'm not entirely sure what you mean by either of them. A fox being not something I would see barking at all, I'm not sure if it's that strong of an analogy. I assume we might be talking of a girl, but the images slip back and forth into nature so much, that it leaves me a little confused what your talking about. I mean you say the 'bark' part is about people, but everything else except for maybe the last stanza reads to me like a nature poem. Well I suppose there is the 'hearts' part as well, still it doesn't really capture me. Now this being said it does have some really cool phrasing.

Though 'Yearing' believe should be Yearning. 'Slient' 'Wrose' silent, worse, Its, It's.

I read this strictly for the title 'Foxglove', because Murder by Death has an excellent song named that. I don't know if you've heard it, but then I see the Bladerunner quote in your signature. So I will give your props on that, it being one of the greatest scenes in cinema history.
And one for the MbD intentional or not.

Well done.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."