#1
My bandmates are starting to piss me off...we went to school together when i was a sophomore in highschool and they were seniors. I play lead guitar and sing. Our bassist is just kinda low key, doesnt go nuts just lays down a good sonic backbone.

They are more laid back type guys while I'm kinda ADD/intense, which I can tell gets on their nerves sometimes. But I contribute a lot musically, and they know that, so I'm a valuable bandmate. But a lotta times they act like they don't even like me, or consider me one of the guys. They constantly talk about shit I can't relate to at all...completely alienating me basically.

I'm just...tolerated in their group of friends...they do shit and I'm always just kinda forgotten and left out. It's like I'm an outsider and not really accepted...like I'm an "extra".

Doing stuff like creating our facebook page and not making me one of the owners, which makes it so i cant upload any ideas. Then when I message them about it I'm ignored. If we're jammin and they want to go party or something, they ASSUME I'm going home and not coming with them, and become agitated if I try to go. But come time to get together and practice, they come pick me up every time and act like they want me there. It's like they really want me to be part of the band but hate my guts as a person.

We are all surfers, and play reggae/punk stuff which is refreshingly listenable and authentic in our anemic deathcore music scene...so I sporadically text the guys when I see a gig we could get...but usually get no response. We are at an impasse until the summer because guitarist/vocalist is two hours away at college and our drummer is constantly working construction.

I wonder if I really want to get everyone together and practice like crazy like we usually do if they don't want to gig? From what you can read, does it sound like they just don't like me as a person? I'm so confused by their contradictory behavior at times.

Part of me wants to tell them to find someone else when things start back up this summer, and find my own band. I'm trying that but everyone I've played with so far is just not musically compatible or is a queer hipster who wants to play songs for sheer technicality that no one wants to listen to.
Last edited by mason7373 at Apr 17, 2011,
#3
It's an age difference thing, even though it's just two years. That's one assumption, another one is they are annoyed at you cause you actually want to do something and they just want to be lazy shit heads, or, they are just not very serious with the band and do it just to waste time.
#4
This is why a bands made up of friends from school etc. is either a really good idea, or a really shitty idea. It's good because you know they listen to the things as you, and have some of the same goals and ideas as you. The bad part is, they think that just because you're all friends, they can be lazy and you'll accept it because they're your friends. I went through the same thing twice. I formed a band with friends, i was keen as anything, always working on the band, but everyone else was lazy and didn't help with anything. I even had to write both guitar tracks and the BASS.

My advice is to just ditch it. They're lazy, mean people and you probably wont get anywhere with it. Just think, do you really want to play in a band with people like that? They would be the dudes that would go home straight after a gig.. wouldn't help pack up anything, or stay for another band or two and have a chat.

Form a band with fresh new people that have the same goals and dreams and interests as you, and let it go from there.
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#5
How good of friends were you before the band? Unless the friendship has deteriorated over time, you shouldn't expect to be BFF<3 with your band. Consider it more of a business deal than a play date. You can't hate them, especially if you ever want to sit for long hours on a tour bus with them. But there's nothing wrong with keep your own friends and them keeping theirs.

As for the more business side of the band, there you have issues. Keep you out of the facebook page, not being proactive for shows, etc, definitely show a lack of professionalism. Which is something you either need to talk to them about, or decide if you should leave and find a band that's more along the lines of professionalism you're looking for. There's nothing wrong with them being laid back about the band, but if it doesn't sit well with you, feel free to move on.
#6
Quote by mason7373
My bandmates are starting to piss me off...we went to school together when i was a sophomore in highschool and they were seniors. I play lead guitar and sing. Our bassist is just kinda low key, doesnt go nuts just lays down a good sonic backbone.
They are more laid back type guys while I'm kinda ADD/intense, which I can tell gets on their nerves sometimes(1). But I contribute a lot musically, and they know that, so I'm a valuable bandmate. But a lotta times they act like they don't even like me, or consider me one of the guys. They constantly talk about shit I can't relate to at all(2)
...completely alienating me basically. (3)


I'm just...tolerated in their group of friends...they do shit and I'm always just kinda forgotten and left out. It's like I'm an outsider and not really accepted...like I'm an "extra".

Doing stuff like creating our facebook page and not making me one of the owners(4)
, which makes it so i cant upload any ideas. Then when I message them about it I'm ignored(5)
. If we're jammin and they want to go party or something, they ASSUME I'm going home and not coming with them, and become agitated if I try to go. But come time to get together and practice, they come pick me up every time and act like they want me there. It's like they really want me to be part of the band but hate my guts as a person.

We are all surfers, and play reggae/punk stuff which is refreshingly listenable and authentic in our anemic deathcore music scene...so I sporadically text the guys when I see a gig we could get...but usually get no response. We are at an impasse until the summer because guitarist/vocalist is two hours away at college and our drummer is constantly working construction.

I wonder if I really want to get everyone together and practice like crazy like we usually do if they don't want to gig? From what you can read, does it sound like they just don't like me as a person? I'm so confused by their contradictory behavior at times.

Part of me wants to tell them to find someone else when things start back up this summer, and find my own band. I'm trying that but everyone I've played with so far is just not musically compatible or is a queer hipster who wants to play songs for sheer technicality that no one wants to listen to.


1) Try to slow down and chill out. Take a downer or somethin man.. If they want to be chill, try to be chill. It aggrivates them because you're disrupting their vibe
2) thats bad..
3) wise up on it.
4) Unprofessional
5)Wow.. really? Ridiculous

ALL IN ALL: QUIT! Best option for u!
#7
I'd get out of that situation.. Fo sho! Run like zombies is chasin you! Seriously though. You need to be taken seriously as a musician and a part of the band and it seems like they are treating you like a friend with benefits. Gettin all the action out of you with out any of the technical hanging out and shit.
"For we are nothing without brotherhood and brotherhood is nothing without our brothers" -We Came As Romans
#8
Just posted something similar to this in another thread. You don't have to be friends with your bandmates, you don't have to be together every waking moment of the day. I don't even talk to mine outside of something directly pertaining to the band. We get along to play music and that's what we do.

Are you still in highschool? Even if you aren't they are probably just seeing you as the "younger brother". I don't necessarily want the little bro to be coming to a party with me or being around my friends. Pretty much like you said though, if you ever went somewhere with them you'd be tolerated because your bandmates, doesn't mean everybody has to like you.

Play music together if that's what you all can do together, you don't have to be by each others side for everything.

I think your really just getting all worked up for nothing