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#1
Lets hear your best!

So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."

How do you know when there's a singer at your front door?
Because he can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

How can you tell if the band stage is perfectly level?
The drumer drools from both sides of his mouth.

What does a bass player use as contraception?
His personality!
#2
Lars Ulrich is a talented and well-respected musician.
Quote by maidenrulz19
When playing any pokemon game and encountering a fisherman with 5 or 6 FUCKING MAGIKARP!!!!!!! I mean the thing is useless and it only gives like 7 exp points each. Yeah eventually that guy can have an army of gyarados but still.
#3
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just the 1, it's not exactly a difficult task.
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#4
^ Holyshit that's a ****ing Arcanine
Quote by maidenrulz19
When playing any pokemon game and encountering a fisherman with 5 or 6 FUCKING MAGIKARP!!!!!!! I mean the thing is useless and it only gives like 7 exp points each. Yeah eventually that guy can have an army of gyarados but still.
#5
How do you know that the bass amp is too loud?
When you can hear it.

Also; the drummer joke doesn't count as the thread title clearly said "music" jokes
#6
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you cannot TUNA FISH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#9
what's the difference between a violin and a viola?

a viola takes longer to burn.


how do you know if there's a drummer at your door?

the knocking gets faster and faster.
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#11
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#13
What do you get if you roll a piano down a coal mine?
A Flat Minor trolololololololol

How does a songwriter change a lightbulb?
He holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him
#14
How many metal fans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
10001. 1 to do it, and 10,000 others to keep the event coming up until it burns out.
#15
Quote by sashki
How does a songwriter change a lightbulb?
He holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him

#16
How many lead vocalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to hold it in and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

100,

1 to change it and 99 to say how much better they could have done it.
#17
Quote by strat0blaster


This and I raise you:

Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#20
What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
The drummer.


Quote by Yayo.Eric

How do you know when there's a singer at your front door?
Because he can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.


I have more fun than normal people are allowed to have.

Quote by Kensai

Happy RUTAS everybody
#21
Two guys walk down the street.

One is a musician the other is also penny-less.
Purple string dampener scrunchy.
#22
I once broke my G string whilst fingering Am...

L.F.C
Quote by tubatom868686
One time I sneezed and pooped in my pants at someones house. It fell down my pantleg onto the floor. I blamed it on the dog. They believed me
#23
How many punk kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, one to screw it in and the other to say "that's so punk!"
Gibson LP traditional and DC standard, SG standard, MIA Standard Strat, Schecter Banshee 7
EVH 5153, Orange TV50H 2-2x12's
Line 6 M13
#24
Quote by sashki
What do you get if you roll a piano down a coal mine?
A Flat Minor trolololololololol





What's the difference between Led Zeppelin and a thief?

The spelling.
R.I.P Jon Lord, Rory Gallagher and Jimi!
#25
Quote by sashki
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
5.
One to stand on the table and hold the bulb in place, and four to turn the table around.


...Stapling helium to penguins since 1949.
#27
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but a guitarist has to show him first.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Just tell him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 Bpm.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
The grip

Why was the piano invented?
So the musician could have a place to put his beer.

How do you make a cello sound better?
Sell it and buy a violin.

That's all I can remember for now

AEDIT: Just remembered:
What do you call a single musician?
Homeless
Last edited by ali.guitarkid7 at Apr 18, 2011,
#29
So there's a guy who goes on a business trip to an island. When he gets there, he hears a loud drum solo blasting throughout the island. The man is confused, so he asks a native why there's a drum solo.
"If drum solo stops, very bad" replies the native.
So the man tries to ignore it, but 2 days later he still hears it and now he has a headache. He decided to ask another native why there's a drum solo.
"If drum solo stops, very bad" replies the native.
Trying to be respectful, the man lets it pass. Another week goes by and the man can't handle it any more. Again, he asks a native why there's a drum solo.
"If drum solo stops, very bad" replies the native.
"NO, WHAT HAPPENS IF IT STOPS????" says the man.
"If drum solo stops....... bass solo"
Ted: [Whispering to Bill] Your stepmom is cute.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
#30
Quote by strat0blaster
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And I thought you were cool

Axl FTW
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#31
Quote by Yayo.Eric
So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."


I actually cringed at this whilst lolling.
#32
Quote by mnf50
I actually cringed at this whilst lolling.


So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility.
The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
#33
Quote by Sewn Up
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you cannot TUNA FISH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You sir deserve a lol stack of shame.....now with a sprig of confusion.


#34
Epic
E Family
E-Son to OldiebutNewbie
E-Brother to Andrea55
E-Brother to guitarxo
E-Uncle to Basti95
#37
What did the fork say to the knife?

B-Sharp.
The rig:
Gibson SG faded special -> Marshall MG 50/100 (working on a valve amp)
Backup: Vintage AV1
Newcastle United
#38
love this thread xD
Belief is a beautiful armour but makes for the heaviest sword.
#39
Quote by Yayo.Eric
So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility.
The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.



You lost me when C got arrested though

I should've studied harder!
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