#1
Firstly this is very much rough - definitely needs another verse in there I think.
Secondly the title isn't definite. I'm not one to usually bother about titles (not right now anyway), but if there are any suggestions please...

They are lyrics, I understand it's difficult to read without a melody, hopefully still can be critiqued and I will of course return the favour.

______

Underneath that Bodhi tree
Listen as the leaves speak
"Happy men have empty minds
Like open fields or white skies"

You won't hear through covered ears
So I just keep them closed
Clear the thoughts that cause your fears
Baby you don't have to know

Sitting on the empty streets
Picturing that beach scene
The worried look on her face
I could cure with these waves

You can't see if you shut your eyes
So I just keep them closed
And my mother told me as a child
"Baby you don't have to know"

Troubled thoughts and ageing faults
Keep them in a sealed vault
Throw it to the open sea
Drowning all the bad dreams

You can't see if you shut your eyes
So I just keep them closed
And my mother told me as a child
"Baby you don't have to know"
_______
Last edited by ac11 at Apr 19, 2011,
#2
Hmmm. This didn't do much for me man, I felt like there was only one point to the whole piece which was "My head hurts because I think too much so I'm going to do my best to live in the ignorance-is-bliss state of mind".

However, its not all doom and gloom from me! From what I could tell, this is regret over maybe a breakup with a girl, and in that perspective it is an interesting take on it, rather than the whole "She left me, why can't you see, what you're doing to me, let me be" standard break up songs.

Keep it up anyway man
#3
If you change the title a good one would be (Thoughts In Bliss)


also you didn't label chorus so which part is chorus?
Welcome the reaper for I am the one they call XDeAtHX