#1
I fear her age more than I do my own:
sullen, sinking skin replacing radiant beams,
the firmness now like worn elastic.
If melting my heart was your aim
then you have succeeded,
for even though I have suffered you
I now suffer as a witness.

Bring out the old clothes from the closet;
try on your mothers wedding dress.
The great brightness in your eyes will
reflect back and remind you:
the joy of being a woman is a friend-
and I hope I will be there when she leaves,
because she will.

Please, for the sake of your child,
don't age.
#2
Wow I really like this.

I don't know exactly where to critique this, it looks like you've been doing this for a while. Only part I'm not sure of is
If melting my heart was your aim
then you have succeeded,
.

I'm not sure it fits in as well with the relationship between you and the mother. However, I might be misunderstanding - either way the whole piece is solid.

If you get a minute then I've got a piece on here (Empty Minds).
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1433839
#3
Thanks, mate! I'll get to yours in a little while. I'll stick it for now.

That line you quoted could definitely be considered strange and out of place, but it's actually crucial. Firstly, I wanted to make sure the readers weren't hit with the same metaphors or imagery that the first three lines had. I wanted people to suddenly be given something emotional in its structure and simplicity.

Secondly, it is one of the main points of the piece. I don't want to sound cocky or anything but I always write with multiple meanings (which is why, I guess, people find my work so confusing), and the fact that my mother was so hard on me hasn't deterred me from loving her.