#1
Welcome to the third instalment of

NEWBIES DO HAVE SOULS!!



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In a private group somewhere among the mysterious UG system, a small number of fearless individuals hand pick three pieces from the last two to three weeks and post them in one collective thread – this one! These works contain characteristics that demonstrate each writers potential, with a great sense of form, technique, imagery, and emotion, all well-worthy of commendation – And they are all written by 'newbies' (someone with less than eight threads posted in the last year).

Now, this is not simply another award ceremony to praise writers beyond necessity. This is UG's way of encouraging new writers to continue writing and posting both here and elsewhere. We believe that new writers deserve credit and appreciation, because without it most of us would be lost in a world of self-pity and have little confidence.

We all need people to recognize our work as musicians – our progress sometimes depends on it. Writing lyrics, poetry, prose, stories, is no different. If you don't agree with that then you've forgotten what it was like to be new to writing, new to forums, or new to this form of expression.


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Here are the three pieces selected from the last month that were considered to be worthy of mention above all else. Accompanying them are a number of brief reasons as to why, exactly, they were chosen:

-Our top piece this week is from Ad*Astra, someone who actually began his time here in S&L way back in 2007 and 2008, around the time I first started posting here. We're e-ink buddies... This exact piece was actually recommended as WotW but was not chosen in the end. It made the top stop for its sudden bursts of literary genius, such as...

“I'm not Pacino or Madonna
and I don't wanna make a scene”


… and the entire sixth stanza, which, simply put, was a work of art. It's the type of word manipulation only wizards like Sage Francis or Jonathan "Yoni" Wolf can summon so frequently. It's something we as every-day writers stumble upon by a unique and gracious fluke. But when we do procure those flutters of brilliance from our minds, they stick with us as some of our best moments. Well, at least they do for me.

The conclusion is a master-class of fluidity and intentional prowess. It flows from the tongue from out of nowhere and reminds you of how beautiful writers can be with their words. The writer sounds like someone we can all relate to, and I appreciate that more than someone who is overly strange, “unique” or unapproachable. Ad*Astra wrote, quite simply, one of the most hip and creative pieces I've read in quite a long time.

Paper Tongues


Paper Tongues by Ad*Astra

I watch you rubberneck
I'm a nervous wreck

and I know what you know
you think you've got me figured out
but you don't
I'm not Pacino or Madonna
and I don't wanna make a scene

the violins inside me sound I'm taking
drugs to bring the swelling down
my heartstrings play their four-part harmony

it seems I'm fated to bated breath
and coffee rings that link each other
spilling "this
is what we share together"

reminds me of that night we drenched
our paper tongues in wine
sometimes dirty words
are the only ones that rhyme

we’ll meet again and you can bet
I'll still be racing red lights
I'll still be spending long nights
with a flashlight and a black eye
keeping my fists tight trying
to pick fights with my pride

so I'll keep spinning like an undiscovered
planet in a distant world until I'm dizzy
or I just can't stand it I will twist and twirl
empty like the arms of god
I will be mistaken for a star
have you ever changed yourself
just to be loved for who you are?



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-Our second piece this week is from Kaptain Tripps, an o'10'er, but a very new face for S&L. This was, in fact, his first post here. We'd love for him (or her) to continue posting and to, above all else, continue writing. I wish I had continued with as much determination as when I started.

Although this was joint third with Foxglove below, I simply laid it out as our second for the fact that it showed the most consistency and skill, even though Foxglove had a special charm to it that I struggled to ignore. Time Is... had a very precise feeling to it, the imagery had a pattern that allowed for an open and sonically airy poem. In that way it is very similar to our closer this fortnight. As a brief critique, it was short, clear, well-paced and soft.

The introduction of the fourth stanza was perfectly timed (ironically enough) and added an immediate pinch of emotion. Everything before that simply set a tone and allowed us to step into the tempo. It was the fourth verse and the final note that really struck out with force. The significance as a whole is not the only thing to think about here; there is also the personal significance.


Time Is... by Kaptain Tripps

An astronaut,
Alone for weeks,
Surrounded by nothing,
Except the infinite.

A dark moon,
Outlined by the night,
Waxing/full/waning,
A dark moon

A shadow,
On a sundial,
Circling around,
Always returning to start.

A passing-by/One second,
A fleeting glimpse/Two seconds,
A never-ending thought/Three seconds,
Four seconds/A missed opportunity.

An ocean tide,
Rising up,
Only to come back down again,
Only to break and be forgotten.

Forever.



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-Our final piece this week is from facemelt365, a fan of the beautiful film Blade Runner. A quote from that very film – one of my favourite quotes of all time: "All of those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain" – is mentioned in the users signature and fits tidily with the way the writer presents his connection with words.

We chose this piece for its stunning imagery. Picturing a future daughter or beautiful wife dancing in an open field is impossible to avoid. But we know it's not simply about that. This has a very slight undertone that is brought about, for me personally, by the memory of watching the children's cartoon The Animals Of Farthing Wood as a youth. In that cartoon we see nature and creatures just as humans, struggling to survive against a backdrop of hunters and natural disasters.

These memories, like my favourite poems and songs, evoke feelings from within us, and this piece does just that. Whether the "foxglove" / "fox with gloves" play on words is a very clever portmanteau with a hidden meaning or not, it's the feeling and imagery that everything collectively created that mattered the most—at least to me.

The foxgloves could refer to the writers loneliness, how his “poison” is forcing those that he loves to disown him and to leave him. And that could then relate to the idea of a “fox with gloves” preying on him and abusing his freedom to be himself. Whatever the case, we loved this piece. Foxglove


Foxglove by facemelt365

The fox wears its gloves,
When it creeps through the dark,
Paws masked by thimbles,
Its bite wrose that its bark.

Fair pink lipped bells,
That chime upon the air,
Sighing like lost trumpets,
Yearing for love to spare.

Chorus
Enchanting flowers sing,
Harbouring your bees,
Listen close and hear the bells,
Cackle on the breeze.

Sunshines in the garden,
Of misguided hearts,
Foxglove sitting slient,
Nestled in the shady parts.

Ribbons of desire,
That you coiled in so long
Never did you realize,
You were dancing to a siren's song
#2
I particularly like the second one. All three of these are better than anything I have ever written.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Nope. You're wrong.

By the way, does anyone have any issues with the way I write these? I'd like to hear some feedback on the layout and the critiques.
#4
I really love Paper Tongues and Time is... and I feel very honored to be mentioned beside them. As for the critiques themselves I think they're wonderful. Some suggested improvements would be appreciated but I know that the purpose of this thread is to encourage so maybe not. Thanks and I really appreciate what your doing.
#5
Hang around and keep posting, and we'll try our best to give you our opinions and help out whenever we can.
#8
lol the las one is jusrt like a shakespeare poem exept a million times worse i hate to say
#9
Considering Shakespeare has written some amazing poetry, I think the writer should take that as a compliment - I would.

Also, you should probably learn how to write properly before you commit to saying something like that on UG.