i'm made of glass and full of water
when light shines through me
it often draws a crowd

i slept in a desert
the sun dried me up
but unless you're close enough
you'd still think i was full

i wish that i would shatter
on the path outside her house
that she'd sweep up the pieces
and wonder who i was
i wish that what's left of me
would drip onto her lawn

and i'd be useful.

between kelly and i there's nothing
between me and kelly there's the world
Last edited by spitonastranger at Apr 22, 2011,
Man, this was a really interesting read!
The 3rd stanza was the best I reckon, but the last two lines I didn't really get. But thats probably my flawed intellectuality rather than poor writing.
Anyway, good job!

Its funny though, that theres a lot of glass references when I just posted something called glass, and we posted near enough the same time haha.

If you do have the time, would you mind have a readover mine sir?
It would be much appreciated
My favourite part of this was the last 2 lines, because it sums up the entire poem using those 2 lines. It brings everything in the poem together, which is great.

The first stanza had good imagery, but I found it to be boring compared with the rest. I get what you're saying with it, I just think that could be improved or expanded on. I loved the third stanza the most, because the imagery and theme flow together seamlessly.

Just to add on, the inconsistent capitalization of I threw me off a bit. There's nothing wrong with capitalizing or not capitalizing, but when you have both it's weird.

Anyhow, I liked this piece, and I think if you spend some more time with it, it could be great
Oh, and thanks for the crit on my piece
Thanks for the crit man

Really glad you got the last two lines. Great point about the capitilization, i just edited it then because it's really a stupid small thing that makes a big difference. I see what you're saying about the first stanza as well, though i did intend for it to be a bit dry.