fleajr_1412
UG Board King
Join date: Mar 2007
2,166 IQ
#1
Hi guys

Just finished writing this song with my band, would like to hear your thoughts on it. I think it has a little bit of a Fightstar vibe going on with it, but that's the only thing I can hear from it influence wise. It hasn't been revised or anything yet, so this is a very rough version. Of course C4C too.

Thanks!
Attachments:
New song 1.zip
NickStrick
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
62 IQ
#2
That's pretty awesome, I like it. But I can also tell that you can do better in some parts...Keep working on it.
Seb1uk
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
4,004 IQ
#4
It's alright, but it's pretty generic for post-hardcore. That chord sequence you used for the intro has been used way too much that it's become boring. I liked the variation of it in section 4, and the breakdown was good at first, but it was getting dragged out when you went dissonant. I think you needed to vary that chorus section on the next two repeats, or at least on the final repeat because it gets a little dull. The drums were pretty good throughout, and the bass does a good job too.

So there's a few things you might wanna change around, but it's not bad so far! c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1426197
Mean Mr Mustard
Naked By The Computer
Join date: Aug 2007
6,868 IQ
#5
I didnt really like that chord at bar 15. A dissonant sounding chord wouldnt be bad, but I just didnt like that one. They way I tried to make it sound better was to (in place of the two bars), have 4 eighth notes of 1-1-1-3, then 4 eighth notes of 1-1-1-2, then 4 eighth notes of 1-1-1-2-3 then 4 eighth notes of 1-1-1-2-1. Id suggest something like that, as those two bars sounded a little just out of place.

The verse was nice until that breakdown came, both of those parts were a little generic, but if thats what youre going for, then okay. Sections 4 and 5 (I guess the chorus) are both great! Cant say I enjoyed the next breakdown either. The clean part was a little boring, it seems like it needs a bit more to it, like maybe a backing guitar, but maybe with vocals over top itll be fine. The re-intro came at a great time. And a nice strong outro.

Overall, it was okay, not the best post-hardcore Ive heard, and I personally didnt get much out of the breakdowns. Theres room for improvement, but as it is, its pretty enjoyable, it just needs some vocals
fleajr_1412
UG Board King
Join date: Mar 2007
2,166 IQ
#6
Thanks guys. I realise it does sound quite generic at times but that was kind of the sound we were going for. Never the less I'll take all your comments on board and work through it in practice tomorrow, I'll re post it with anything new we come up with.
frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
#7
Can't say it did much for me, eighth note chord sections in a fairly generic progression interlaced with chugging breakdowns and pedal riff sections.
If you want a less generic post hardcore vibe going use awkward, varying rhythms, layered cleans, more experimental chords, less generic progressions and nice catchy leads.
Your song seemed far too rhythm based and there wasn't a catchy melody to grab hold of.
It's a decent start but I'm sure you could produce much better in the future.
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Colossus
herby190
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
7,674 IQ
#8
I liked the intro and section 2 a lot, but I feel like it should have transitioned to the breakdown better; I added in a pretty simple bass run to the last bar of section 2, and it helped a bit.

For the breakdown itself, it feels unnecessary. It would be cool if you could put a lead part with it, but as is, it feels pretty bland.

The part at 39 flows better if the drums crash on the first beat of the measure.

At bar 74, I think it'd transition a lot better if you had the drums end the measure with a quick sixteenth note roll.

I really liked the section starting at 91.

I don't have much else to say. I liked a lot of this piece, but some of the transitions felt off, and the breakdowns seemed pretty pointless without leads.

C4C? The link is in my sig.
Last edited by herby190 at Apr 22, 2011,
CG Man16
hey
Join date: Jul 2008
814 IQ
#9
I liked it, but i would strongly suggest you get rid of the boring breakdowns. You should make up another riff/melody and put it there instead. It could also benefit from an acoustic riff or two.

I liked the main riff you have, reminds me a bit of Agalloch. The acoustic chords were a bit boring, maybe if you picked them it would work out better. It ended pretty strong. Good job.
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fleajr_1412
UG Board King
Join date: Mar 2007
2,166 IQ
#10
Thanks for feedback everyone, I really appreciate it. I'll post up an updated version as soon my tux gutiar gets working again. Can remind everyone though that will be vocals over the top of this, but obviously I can't add that in tux guitar.

I'll crit back now
Tster
is totally awesome
Join date: Mar 2007
1,935 IQ
#11
I didn't digg it that much man. sorry.

It was far too 'done before.' There was nothing new about which caught my attention. Boring chords and progression. I really felt a epic breakdown (if you wanted use one) after the clean bit but you went back into the chords. The song has lots of potential i think it just needs a revise. New chords, slightly different structure.

I like the ending bars in the outro though