#1
[This is an incredibly long Nick Cave-inspired lyric I wrote. Enjoy!]

You put a booth up, down on the street
It said “5 cents for a kiss”
You must be crazy, darling,
If you think I’m going to pay for this

And you bought a brand-new dress
Had it delivered to your door
But what happened with your dignity?
You left it at the store

You look like Marilyn Monroe
You’re so beautiful it hurts
The only difference is Marilyn
Didn’t lift up her own skirt

CHORUS:
Come on baby, don’t try to hide
There is no escape, in any form or shape
Let me look into those green eyes


My teeth are rotting in my mouth
And the screaming of my nerves
Is like the screaming of a thousand wheels
Swerving on your curves

I’m shambling on the pavement
On my way home to you
You see me from the sixteenth floor
And try to nail me with your shoe

You’ve got a lover under the bed
And two more in the closet
And five climbing down the fire escape
Saying “nice and easy does it”

CHORUS

There’s a UFO at your door,
Waiting to make the pick-up
Can you feel it, baby, crawling in your skin,
Underneath the make-up?

And the men in black are coming
They want to wipe your memory
But you’ve done the job already
How come you always forget about me?

Well the aliens are spying on you
They have you in their power
All they really want to do
Is to watch you while you shower

CHORUS

Well, you went to a yoga class
To try and ease your stress
You sat there in the lotus position
I thought about this mess

Because it seems to me you didn’t listen
To what they said about karma
You’re mean and cold, and your heart
Is ironclad and armored

So you’d better treat me kinder,
That’s what I would do
If you don’t want Shiva to come down
And dance his dance with you

CHORUS

I went to Red Square, Moscow,
And looked at Lenin’s Tomb
I stole a big old rocket-ship
And flew up to the moon

I saw the old Pyramids,
I went to Paris and to Rome
I looked around all over,
I was looking for a home

When I came back, I was so in love
I said I was sorry for leaving
You gave me one look, and I saw red
And almost gave you a beating

CHORUS

Does your meanness run in your genes?
Is your mother just like this?
Your family reunion, baby,
I wouldn’t want to miss

I come around your place, baby
And you just lock the door
I call you through the mail-slot
Ask you for some more

I meet you on the street, baby
And say your hair looks nice
The next day it’s cut short, but what if I’d
Told you about your eyes?

CHORUS

I thought I’d get some exercise
Maybe try a diet
Any book by a dietician
I didn’t hesitate to buy it

Maybe a healthier lifestyle
Would stop me thinking of you
I was lying to myself, of course
Don’t you know it’s true?

Because the food’s not what ails me
And it didn’t cause my gloom
And nothing gives me more exercise
Than chasing you around your room

CHORUS

Well I thought I’d go the chemical route
To trying to forget
A few weeks of antibiotics
Seemed to be my best bet

The doctor grabbed me by the arm
And stuck his syringe there
But that plan failed as well because
The syringe was filled with air

But at least it didn’t kill me,
And my heart, it didn’t stop
Babe, it’s bruised and battered,
But my heart won’t close up shop

CHORUS

Outside your window is a banshee
Under the stairs a shambling thing
If your life was a book, baby,
It’d be written by Stephen King

You fill me with terror
Every time you come around
I’m so terribly wound up
And I can’t get unwound

You know it makes my blood run cold
To enter your House of Horror
I’m pale and shaking, and you know
I’ll be back by tomorrow

CHORUS

I bought a Cadillac convertible
And went to find Atlantis
I packed a compass and a map
And ten pairs of your panties

I drove away over the hills,
And far, far away
When I reached the sunken city
I thought “here, I could stay.”

And for I while I managed to
Get you out of my system
But if it was any other man
I’m sure you would have missed him

CHORUS

I floated there in stasis
As the goldfish flitted by
And time passed,
And the stars wheeled in the sky

At some point, there below the waves
I thought about my girl
I stretched like a cat and yawned
And went back to the real world

My Cadillac stood where I’d left it
Axle-deep in loam
My Cadillac stood where I’d left it
I backed out and drove home

CHORUS

When I got back from that trip
I hardly recognized you
I sat there with a microscope
And tried to analyze you

Have you all-out stopped eating?
When did you get so thin?
This twiggy hair-line skeleton girl
Whose bones stretch out her skin

I didn’t fall in love with that
I wouldn’t touch that with a pole
C’mon, have a burger, baby
I won’t tell a soul

CHORUS
#2
An interesting song.

Firstly - I got a bit confused about the message. At first it appeared to be about a man who loves a woman who's experiences have made her promiscuous and unkind. Then the middle of the song just seems to be about how mean she is. Then at the end it returns to the original message. I think that ought to be clearer.

I love the imagery about the aliens and men in black trying to wipe the woman's memory. That speaks loud and clear and is able to imply a variety of things without having to openly say them, it also allows the listener to interpret it for themselves.

I personally don't see the need for "I went to Red Square, Moscow - And almost gave you a beating" I think the last line implies that the persona may be to blame for the image the listener is receiving of the woman. That would be fine except that it is not hinted at anywhere else in the song, so it seems out of place. The naming of places and obvious exaggeration "I stole a big old rocket ship..." seems almost childish.

I also don't understand the verses in which you talk about different ways the persona attempted to rid his mind/heart of the woman. I particularly find the lines "Well I thought I'd go the chemical route - Seemed to be my best bet" contradictory and confusing. At the mention of "the chemical route" my immediate thoughts were recreational drugs or alcohol. I'm personally unaware of anti-biotics seriously effecting the mind so I got really quite confused.

I also find the writing inconsistent. In some stanzas the writing is poetic, clearly revealing the Nick Cave influence (which must be a good thing). In others the rhymes are stretched and/or obvious giving them an amateur feel. Don't be afraid to use eye-rhymes. They can work well and appear more interesting than true rhymes. The structure and rhyming pattern remain consistent throughout the song, which is good.
All in all I think with some work this could be a very good song. Definitely a bit of Nick Cave behind that song!! I personally like it.