#1
Rated M for Manly, features scenes of a highly sexual and violent nature.

So I just typed up a Facebook note for the lols, thought it might appeal to the humour sensibilities of the pit so I'll share:

So this spider just lowered itself slowly on its web until it was inches in front of my eyes. And I'm just minding my own business watching a show on my laptop so it takes me a while to realise and get it in focus. And then I FREAK. OUT. I must have looked like I was trying to break dance my way out of a duvet prison.

And obviously I don't go anywhere near spiders. But this wasn't just any old spider appearance, when they just try and keep us in a perpetual state of fear by showing their ugly asses at random, inopportune times. This was an arrogant, pre-meditated attack on my personal space. I swear I could see that 8-legged bitch laughing it's ass off as I cowered. So **** that, it's time to remind this webby punk who's on top of the food chain (It's man)

So I get this empty lucozade bottle (from the stack I keep beside my bed for JUST THIS VERY REASON) and return to the theater of conflict. When I can't see him at first, my mind naturally assumes the obvious/worst: HE'S INSIDE MY PILLOWS!...HE'S RECRUITED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND THEY'RE HAVING A SPIDER DISCO RIGHT INSIDE MY PILLOWS!... THE DISCO SPIDER FAMILY HAVE LEARNED EMOTIONS FROM HUMANS!

But then I see him snivelling in the corner, still dangling from his punk-ass tiny web. His arrogance has been replaced with a primal terror. I could tell because his baseball cap, which he was wearing slung carelessly to the side to show his contempt for my authority, now sits demurely to the front. He's backing off, clearly he had misread the situation: "Hey, it's cool man, it's cool, I don't want no trouble..." he tries to get out of this war that he initiated, but it's too late.

"Oh it's no trouble, Spider...no trouble...at all..."



YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!



Alright, so it sounded more awesome in my head, but you had to be there I guess. So I take this bottle, and trembling like a San Franciscan circa 1906 (too soon?) I slowly manoveur it until he's finally trapped inside it's glucose-saturated confines. Then, plumbing the depths of my chi-stores, I open-hand karate chop his increasingly flimsy looking web, so he falls right in. And brothers, I screw the lid on faster than the speed of fear. When finally he is ensconsed in this delicious orange dungeon and I am convinced that escape is an impossibility, I raise the bottle to the heavens with a triumphant roar.

Man 1... Spiders 10000000

Your move, WACK WIDOW



The End (?)


tl;dr, I trapped a spider in a bottle
Last edited by Fivebretz at Apr 22, 2011,
#2
Quote by Fivebretz



tl;dr, I trapped a spider in a bottle


nice one man (:
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#6
pics or it didn't happen.
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#7


Excellent job. With more like you, the war against spiders may yet turn in our favor.
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#10
So, uh, anyone up for pizza? There's this new pizza shop opening up, apparently they have pretty decent pizza.
#11
You shouldn't have written glucose prison and duvet prison.

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