#1
What's the funniest email you ever got? Within reason. I'll post this, be warned, it's rather offensive to some people, but it's just too damn funny to pass up.

If this is too overboard I'll delete it...

THE “MAN” TEST FOR THE "REAL MEN"

1. If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...******..

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer—it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you’re definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler.
#5
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You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#6
"If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. "
So being in shape means you're gay?

Stay classy Texas
#7
Emails about college. I mean come on, why the hell is Harvard spamming me? wtf man...
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#8
Damn, I am extremely homosexual.
Tonight I kill your fucking face.
I killed your face.


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Plt FC: 3052 1000 9033
#9
That shit was funny man. Salami smuggler....lmao.


THIS THREAD IS NOW ABOUT FERRETS:
As death, when we come to consider it, is the true goal of our existence, I have formed during the last few years such close relations with this best and truest friend of mankind, that his image is not only no longer terrifying to me, but just is.
Last edited by Justified Death at Apr 22, 2011,
#11
I am a damn homosexual. I actually exercise and take care of myself!
Super
Old
Cats
Are
Surprising

Many profile views... few friends...
#12
Who the hell cares about ferrets? I'm all for the mongoose myself

Gotta keep my eyes from the circling skies...
tounge tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit...

>CRYPTIC METAPHOR<


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ilikeyou.

not hated
#13
Cats are so much cooler than dogs

Cats: f--- you, I'm not gonna do any tricks! I'm gonna lay my ass right here and if you dare scaring me I'll sharpen my claws with your face O_O
Dogs: omg omg, where's my boss? I need a leader to suck up to, else I feel lonely and stupid!!

and this is ground proof!! v
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#15
According to your e-mail TS, I am homosexual....and being a real man sounds like a death-trap.
The content of this signature is pretty much irrelevant
#17
That has got to be flat out one of the stupidest things I've ever read.
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#18
Quote by darkcheef
"If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. "
So being in shape means you're gay?

Stay classy Texas

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Ha ha love you to dude ;-)

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10/10 Slater is amazing

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#19
What the hell? I had no idea there were so many middle-aged fitness models on UG...
#20
Quote by darkcheef
"If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. "
So being in shape means you're gay?

Stay classy Texas


It's funny because most middle aged Texan men do have huge beer bellies
#21
Quote by thefuzz454
That has got to be flat out one of the stupidest things I've ever read.

I must say, I laughed

However, the real reason I quoted you is because you watch the amazingly fantastic "Always sunny in philidelphia." So underrated
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#22
The funny part is you probably wrote it/believe it.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau