#1
Hey

Little piece I literally jsut wrote now. I hope the translations aren't too wrong. Im terrible at Italian, so I had to use a translation website C4C, as is normal practice

Night Market

Bustling through swarms
of high-rollers and venders.
The neon pungance, almost
impossible to render.

Quanto per questo Tessuto?

Eccentrics with oddities,
and dust covered vials.
Individuals, becon
with evil smiles.

Prendere le Sue Pozioni ed Elixers qui.

Lamps line the streets,
made from cobbles and stone.
The gardens unkempt,
and remain overgrown.

Fiori di Lotus! Fiori di ciliegio! Viti! Tutto qui!

The moon shines down,
on this busy street.
Draped and veiled,
never to be seen.

Ultimi Ordini della Notte!
#2
I enjoyed this. I thought the imagery was simple and quaint, and by the end i could really see and understand the scene you were depicting. Good job.

Unfortunately, i dont understand Italian so if there was some hidden meaning i missed in the Italian lines than my bad :P

Overall, well done. See you around.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#4
Quote by ultrasonic
Night Market

Bustling through swarms
of high-rollers and venders.
From the rest of the piece I get the feeling of being in the 18th century or so. The word "high-roller" sticks out here - it feels a bit too modern.
The neon pungance, almost
impossible to render.

Quanto per questo Tessuto?

Eccentrics with oddities,
Clever. I like this line.
and dust covered vials.
Individuals, becon
with evil smiles.

Prendere le Sue Pozioni ed Elixers qui.

Lamps line the streets,
made from cobbles and stone.
I'd probably remove the comma after "streets". It feels like you're saying maybe the lamps are made of cobbles and stone. Just a thought.
The gardens unkempt,
and remain overgrown.
The "and" feels wrong here. It would've been better if there'd been a verb instead of "unkempt". As it is, I'd probably change it to "they remain" or just remove the "and" altogether.

Fiori di Lotus! Fiori di ciliegio! Viti! Tutto qui!

The moon shines down,
on this busy street.
Draped and veiled,
never to be seen.

Ultimi Ordini della Notte!
"Final order of the night"? I see what you did there.


Not bad for a piece written on the spot. Though it's never a good idea to attempt a language you don't speak - we have no idea how wrong the italian phrases are, or how stiff and unnatural they would sound to an italian's ears. But that's just a minor detail - I liked this, even if it probably won't stick in my memory very long.