Okay guys this is a song of mine called "Open Minds", let me know what you think of it! I've been working on it a lot lately, and i'm supposed to have a music video up with it in the next week or so.

Check it out!

Open Minds by Kenny Erdmann

What program are you using to record? It seems very sound, but it seems like you're missing something... I feel as though you may need a drum loop, or a bassline or something.

It also feels like you're singing a bit too quiet, which makes it sound a bit breathy. The words are great, but you may want to re-record the lyrics and sing more from your diaphragm and not from your head.

That's all I've got; hope it helps.
I am using Ableton's Live 5.2.2 it came with my Line 6 Toneport UX2.
I know i need to work on my singing, it started awful no it's breathy and i need to learn some more and i think i'll be better.

I felt that too, it seems like there is something missing, all the MIDI files and drum instruments really didnt seem to fit within my song.I can't find anything really to add drum loops in, if you or anyone else knows where i can get something to put drum loops in a track that would be appreciated.
I listened to your better version:

I like the tone of the guitar. I heard that the notes in your voice did not match the guitar in some parts but mine never do either it's something I'm working on. What I usually do is strum the chord and then match the voice to it until it is perfectly in sync. Then I just go through the whole song like that piece by piece until I develop the muscle memory in my vocal cords. I don't have bad ears so I can hear little mistakes when the two tones aren't perfectly aligned. I think its a good song overall keep up the good work.
"Open Minds":
I really like the acoustic tone, but the effect seems a bit much. Maybe just keep the effect for the intro and take it out for the rest of the track. It takes away a lot of my attention on the song itself. It's pretty much all I could focus on for the most part. Lyrics are good, but the vocals need more work and feeling.

"Open Minds (Better Version)":
Again, the effect seems a bit much after the intro. Vocals need more work. Good guitar tone. The percussion thing you have going would sound better with a deeper/more 'bassy' tone instead of a consistent 'trebly' knocking tone. Interesting feel you have going on, but you really need to work on your singing a lot more. The way you vocalize your lyrics seem to contradict the words being sung. The short solo part has a very mellow/laidback feel that I really like.

Keep working on it and i'm sure you'll have yourself a great song!
It's awesome, but needs more improvement.

Crit for crit when you have some freetime, good sir?
Hmm, thats very odd. I didn't put any effects in the beginning... I guess I got to check all of that out today. Yeah I need to learn to vocalize a little better and put more emotion behind my voice. It's a work in progress to teach myself how to sing, and kind of hard when you don't have someone telling you what to do. But i taught myself guitar, I can teach myself to sing!
By effect I meant the 'phaser' sort of thing the acoustic has going on throughout the entire piece. I've never had anyone telling me what to do. And you definitely can teach yourself. :]
OHHH okay! I realize what it is now, the effect i had on for my solo still sits on that whole track and its playing through the whole song, time to fix! and Harlot I already critiqued your song yesterday, pretty damn good I might add!
Personally my first instinct prefers the first version the drums seemed off on the 2nd one. Maybe it's my ear. Mate you can definitely teach your self to sing thought myself guitar and vocals too albeit not amazing but im happy with my skills. It takes longer but is worth it. Look up breathing techniques on youtube and exercises. I find that you need to get to a plateau of knowing the lyrics so that they come out completely naturally without having to think, then you can pump some power and emotion behind your vocals.

Your songwritings good practice practice practice will get your vocals sorted and breathing from the diaphram at least once a day will build it's strength.

I found using a guitar tuner strumming a chord like c then singing along a good way to get your voice intune with a chord.

If you get a chance would you critique one of my songs? Cheers thanks.


edit - listened to a few of your other songs if your going for that slightly off punk sound it is different and unique and I like it.
Last edited by bomernee at Apr 25, 2011,