#1
The worst kind of atrophy,
a berated shell
that keeps all things in order -
yet cracks under scrutiny:
this is how it feels to breed;
the Mothers fight for birth,
the fathers continue on with the labour.
I don’t want to know about the days of my conception

I don’t need to.

I am partially blind and I have
lost my smile,
but hey hoo!
I was christened as ‘pure’ during my youth
and, in turn, I re-emerged
without a face -
fashioned in bird skin -
or so it seems.

Here (on earth)
is my permanent home;
a defective state
(no need for secular fear.)
A martyr of pity
I have grown to become
(but it’s not about me.)
I would rather die and come back new
(like an uncertain lover
or a fallible saviour)
than inherit a lack of upliftment -
either way, I have learned to count my blessings.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Apr 27, 2011,
#2
Personally, I wouldn't set "I don't need to" by itself, and put a period after "conception". To me, it doesn't hold enough weight on its own and I think it would actually be a little stronger if it was at the end of the first stanza. I also would ditch all of the parentheses; there are too many of them in the last stanza, and those lines would be fine without them. Apart from that, I liked this.