#1
Again Don't Want to hear anything about the swears

Waking Destruction

When my body fades;
As does my spirit;
My will, my resolve;
Both shall remain unscathed;
By Word;
by sword
By Touch
By Time.

Mankind Knows Not his limits
revolution is thy name
boundaries are pushed and toppled over
Relentlessly, without shame
WHen revolution has peaked
THe only option is to fall
Mankind shall wallow in it's illusion of progress
Suffer shall you all

THIS IS A WARNING TO THE WORLD
MAN WILL DESTROY YOU AND REAP IT"S REWARDS
WE KILL EACH OTHER IN THE PROCESS
AND WE WILL BE THE DEATH OF OURSELVES

THe world knows not the dangers
Of it's inhabitants
Soon the world will perish
Because of mankind's ignorance
If we are not inhibited
We will continue our path of destruction
We will all die
End of this goddamn discussion



THIS IS A WARNING TO THE WORLD
MAN WILL DESTROY YOU AND REAP IT"S REWARDS
WE KILL EACH OTHER IN THE PROCESS
AND WE WILL BE THE DEATH OF OURSELVES
PREPARE FOR THE WAR OF A LIFETIME
HANG ON TO YOUR ****ING SEATS
BECAUSE THIS ONE WILL BE THE ONE
THAT DESTROYS US ALL

Guitar SOLO

THIS IS A WARNING TO THE WORLD
MAN WILL DESTROY YOU AND REAP IT"S REWARDS
WE KILL EACH OTHER IN THE PROCESS
AND WE WILL BE THE DEATH OF OURSELVES
PREPARE FOR THE WAR OF A LIFETIME
HANG ON TO YOUR ****ING SEATS
BECAUSE THIS ONE WILL BE THE ONE
THAT DESTROYS US ALL
Last edited by blooddebtpaid10 at Apr 27, 2011,
#2
That's deep bro. But seriously, reminded me of Suicide Silence. I don't know if they bother to write lyrics with that much 'depth', but love the random swearing. Adds so much to such a thought provoking concept.
#3
This is a pretty accurate description of mankind's war against its own habitation. I like how you've personified the Earth in this song, and it's too bad that we're treating her so badly, like an orphaned Indonesian sex slave. That's why the end times all talk about the world travailing... predicting the end of the world coming soon probably isn't that innaccurate at this point.
#6
This is a little bit silly. Writing about something this lofty usually comes across as being clumsy and self-parodying (this is both). It sort of reminds me of a 13 year old suburbanite bragging to his friends about how much he hates everyone.

If you want this to be taken seriously as a piece of writing, you need some subtlety, originality, personality and honesty. You may as well have written "**** you and **** people" 50 times.
#7
Quote by Chaingarden
This is a little bit silly. Writing about something this lofty usually comes across as being clumsy and self-parodying (this is both). It sort of reminds me of a 13 year old suburbanite bragging to his friends about how much he hates everyone.

If you want this to be taken seriously as a piece of writing, you need some subtlety, originality, personality and honesty. You may as well have written "**** you and **** people" 50 times.


No need to flame misguidedly. Perhaps we like to see the flaws more than what's good about a piece of writing, but there's no need to be hateful. It seems to me that you misinterpreted who the warning is to. Let me break it down for you, the warning is directed toward the Earth, the planet, Mother Nature, etc... not your neighbor and you and your dog. It's more of a commentary on man's xenocide of his own home. I'll admit that I don't really like the dark subject, but it's not a simple juevenile hate message to be flamed.
"Words"
Just As I Am

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Kustom 200
8x10 EMC's
#8
You write you don't want to hear about the swearing but that's exactly what's wrong with these lyrics. It seem like you had a good idea and started with the right intentions, but the swearing kinda broke it. IMO swearing in a lyric is actually pretty hard to pull off, and if you do it wrong it just sound like some shitty deathcore or a straight up rap song.
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#9
Quote by datgnat
No need to flame misguidedly. Perhaps we like to see the flaws more than what's good about a piece of writing, but there's no need to be hateful. It seems to me that you misinterpreted who the warning is to. Let me break it down for you, the warning is directed toward the Earth, the planet, Mother Nature, etc... not your neighbor and you and your dog. It's more of a commentary on man's xenocide of his own home. I'll admit that I don't really like the dark subject, but it's not a simple juevenile hate message to be flamed.


Yes, I understand that. It didn't leave much to be decoded. It still stands who the implied open hostility is directed towards. I'm not saying the subject is bad, I'm saying the limited depth and level of maturity is.

My intent isn't to be mean. I just think it's stupid to praise something that isn't good. It reinforces bad methods of writing. I'm not saying this guy is a terrible writer, or that he's stupid, or that he's a bad person. I'm just saying that this is a bad piece. One of the best ways to learn good writing is to learn what bad writing is. I've learned tons about writing by having my writing ripped up. There's tons of stuff I haven't learned. I openly invite people to keep ripping up my writing so I can learn what's good and what's not.
#10
Quote by Chaingarden
Yes, I understand that. It didn't leave much to be decoded. It still stands who the implied open hostility is directed towards. I'm not saying the subject is bad, I'm saying the limited depth and level of maturity is.

My intent isn't to be mean. I just think it's stupid to praise something that isn't good. It reinforces bad methods of writing. I'm not saying this guy is a terrible writer, or that he's stupid, or that he's a bad person. I'm just saying that this is a bad piece. One of the best ways to learn good writing is to learn what bad writing is. I've learned tons about writing by having my writing ripped up. There's tons of stuff I haven't learned. I openly invite people to keep ripping up my writing so I can learn what's good and what's not.


Much, much better and more constructive than hitting him with a railgun. Positive reinforcement will help much better than taking the paddle to his backside for the shortcomings. Criticizing the lack of depth is much better than throwing in an allusion to a 13 year old in an "I hate everything" contest. Your body language and tone aren't really visible or audible so sarcasm and joking don't come across, and most people will read things with whatever mood they're in at the time. That being said, after reading a dark, stop killing the planet idiots, piece--well, your criticism was a little less than light hearted to read.

P.S. Smilies help
"Words"
Just As I Am

MD PRS Style Semi-Hollow
Epiphone Les Paul Classic
Mesa Dual Rectifier
2x12 Celestion 30's
Kustom 200
8x10 EMC's
Last edited by datgnat at Apr 26, 2011,
#11
I do have a version without swearing but the chorus just didn't fit so i added this chorus instead and i like it better. but i know what you guys are talking about. i have a song written it's a dark song with some more positivity at the end and i have a tab for the music that goes with it i'll post the lyrics tomorrow im not sure about the tab.
#12
I took out most of the swears i left one in place because it makes the thought more dramatic i think.