#1
I only gave myself 30 minutes for this as I enjoy putting myself under pressure to see what happens. I don't often go down the poetry route, so be gentle with me.

Context; very little. I threw myself in head first and the first topic in my surprisingly sadistic mind was a car crash. Joyous. :/


Shattered glass spiralling with glee
Over asphalt, cold and worn.
Broken canisters, fuel runs free.
Her face in his shaking hands.

We’ve all stayed safe.

Twisted metal, black and scarred
From meeting over the limit.
White dress, stained and charred.
A breeze like nothing’s changed.

We’ve all stayed safe.

Now and then a drop of rain.
Soothing how nature works
To sanctify a sinners lane.
Clear the mess and metal.

We’ve all stayed safe.

Blue lights reflected of the shards
He sees. Justice on the run
To uphold its duty, and break his heart
“She’s gone, we’ll deal with the felon”

For never will the offender take
The role of someone who should be safe.
Husband distraught, town there for him
World... unflinching; spin.

Are we nearly safe yet?
We live in this.
#2
I'm really intrigued by that last line. It leaves this very open for interpretation, which I'm a fan of. Are you saying "we live in this" to equate the world to a car crash? That's kind of what I got out of it, but then there's not much evidence to back that up throughout the rest, so I might just be running away with something that doesn't exist.

I also think that it's interesting that you seem to portray the person who crashed into them as a sinner and a felon. If it was tied back into the last line it would be interesting to see what this felon would stand for.

Like I said, I'm simply intrigued. I don't know quite what to do with this because if it's some kind of extended metaphor like I thought or if it's just a poem about a car crash, I would have two different things to say about this in either situation. So I just don't know. Either way though I think it's rough. I think that for anything involving somebody dying or a main character otherwise going through difficulties to have impact there needs to be a connection to the characters established and real depth to the story or else the reader is just left with a vanilla description of two faceless, nameless people who are in a car accident, almost like a police report.

So metaphor or not, my advice to you the next time you write poetry is to try to develop things on a level where the reader really cares about the things happening. Involve my emotions and you can do with them whatever you want. You can devastate me, you can make me laugh or cry or angry, whatever you want. Just give me something to hold on to and to fall in love with. Give it personality.

Just the fact that this interested me so much was a good thing. It was written well enough that there was room for interpretation, and whether you meant for there to be something deeper there or not, I was able to take it and run with it. Reading fiction is a personal experience and room for personal interpretation is important, and whether you did it on purpose or not you did it very well. So kudos. You should go down Poetry Lane more often.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
the beggining was stornger than the end i liked the imagery "twisted steel" stuff like that white dress stained " all good

the end leave out "broken heart" no one wants to hear that abused phrase again hahaha

good work man i liked it