#1
I'm tired of
Smelling like
Orange peel
And cocaine lines
I'm tired of
Knowing I
"Might be the killer on
At 10 last night"

I know I'm not a sight
For kings and queens
But didn't your mother say
To have some decency
For me?

"Pick yourself up, son
No one wants a loser
Take it from me, son
No one wants a loser."

I am a man
I was a boy
The little thing
That just strolled by
In the sun
With a toy
Yesterday, that was I

That was me
#2
This one has some real potential to be worthwhile. The second stanza brings up a little Matthew 25 in me actually. You end with a beginning which is pretty creative. The quote in the middle could be a decent refrain, but it might feel a little empty.
"Words"
Just As I Am

MD PRS Style Semi-Hollow
Epiphone Les Paul Classic
Mesa Dual Rectifier
2x12 Celestion 30's
Kustom 200
8x10 EMC's
#3
Quote by datgnat
This one has some real potential to be worthwhile. The second stanza brings up a little Matthew 25 in me actually. You end with a beginning which is pretty creative. The quote in the middle could be a decent refrain, but it might feel a little empty.


Yeah, the quote's supposed to be a chorus or something. Oh yeah, kind of forgot to mention -- this is a song.
#4
I feel like the break and last verse could stand to get some of the same imagery on the first verse, because the opening is some excellent work. Still solid though.
#5
I guess I could use the term verse instead of stanza Have you thought about tagging the end of the "chorus"? I'm not sure what genre you're going with on this one, but I think a bridge verse would give it a better overall flow and more impact. Not that you would need one to bring out the meaning of the song, but that's simply my opinion.
"Words"
Just As I Am

MD PRS Style Semi-Hollow
Epiphone Les Paul Classic
Mesa Dual Rectifier
2x12 Celestion 30's
Kustom 200
8x10 EMC's