a kindness grown from self
interest, the burning bush,
six-legged peanut shells and
ten dollar sugarcubes.
all of it
chained to the question

I want Super Saiyan abilities
This felt like an excerpt from a larger piece rather than a poem on its own. For a piece of this length, every word must be absolutely essential and I felt like this didn't really fill out the limited space with enough clear meaning to work. That being said, the idea has loads of potential. Expand this into a longer piece and flesh it out and I think it'll work a lot better.


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."

I will start by saying this piece is written well, in that there are no real grammatical or spelling errors, aside, perhaps, from the ambiguity of whether or not the "kindness" mentioned is grown from self interest, a burning bush, pea nutshells, and sugar cubes or if it reads that the "kindness grown from self interest" is one entry in the list. This part is my opinion, so do not take it is an affront to your writing style. This piece feels sort of incomplete to me. That is probably because I fail to see the idea it is trying to portray. In my mind, it should continue to explore the things you list in the first verse. It is just difficult to see any real connection between the "kindness" and a "burning bush", "six-legged peanutshells" and "ten dollar sugar cubes." I assume they are metaphors for something, but in my opinion (as if my opinion is worth anything), I believe that metaphors lose their power if their meaning is completely hidden OR the audience is un-able to relate to them, even in their own different ways. I just have trouble relating. I guess I will always wonder "why" these things are listed, which is perhaps what you are going for... That said, I would like to read other pieces by you in the future, keep up the good work.
"If you don't live by the praises of men you won't die by their criticisms." -Bill Johnson
Verbosity is your enemy.
it is rather cryptic, mostly posted it to see if anyone would get it.
next post will be something more full, and less stoned.
thanks guys
I want Super Saiyan abilities