Join date: Apr 2010
944 IQ
(Not really the title or anything, obviously. JUST SAYIN'.)

Had a bunch of Periphery influence going on for a bit and wanted to write something that could have vocals for once. This is what it turned into.

Obviously the song kinda meanders into a completely different sort of structure halfway through, but oh well, right? It could definitely end at the end of the chorus the third time, but I didn't want to be done yet... haha.

All crits appreciated, will C4C, just leave a link. <3
Scale The Periphero and Me (1).zip
Arms Of Empire
^ ^ ^ Band I am involved in ^ ^ ^
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UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
Some of the riffs are good but I REALLY hate the drums. With these sorts of songs you should either have odd rhythm riffs with normal rhythm drums or normal rhythm riffs with odd rhythm drums. This ensures it never sounds too normal but never gets so random that you can't follow what's happening. I feel like your drums are too disjointed and distract from the riffs which are already off kilter.
Floating is a really nice section, again drums are annoying me. Lovely chords and leads though.
Behind me is very PtH esque, very cool. I'm gonna stop mentioning the drums, presume I hate them from now on unless I saw otherwise.
Frolicking is another good section, good chord progression and nice leads too.
What is alone was nice, I long for home is amazing though, loved it.
Galaxies same as before.
And I thought the rest of it was really good as well, ending seemed appropriate too.
Over all, excellent, just... the drums....
My songs are all located here .
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Jim #4
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2004
508 IQ
yeah that was my impression...make the drums more regular
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
1,677 IQ
Thanks for the crit on my song. I'm gonna be honest right away: I don't really like Periphery much (and not just for the vocals). I find that a lot of djent just doesn't click with me, so take that into consideration when I say something.

Measures 3 and 7 did not fit at all. The technical parts you have going before and after these measures build a good vibe, but those two measures kill it. I think the trouble is that you emphasize the first and third beats in the other measures here, but 3 and 7 both have more emphasis on one and two, which is very confused sounding. I messed around with them some to make them follow that 1-2-3-4 feel you had going.

This one worked better. I read a book once that described a band's rhythms as being insectile. I think that description is very apt for those technical runs. One thing that bugged me (forgive the pun) was the end of bar 12. That Bb to C pull-off feels like it would sound better as 2 eight notes rather than a sixteenth to an eight.

Floating Through the Galaxy:
Good chord melody, very reminiscent of Periphery from what I've heard. I can't find anything to complain about, so I'll shut up.

...behind me?
Again, the description of "insectile" seems very apt. The melody is interesting, but very arbitrary in terms of rhythm. I didn't change anything here. I rather like the feel.

Again, I can't complain much aside from the melody seems very self-contained. It doesn't feel like it advances the song much, since the following section has the same exact kind of self-contained feel. It takes itself around the block, if you will, but it doesn't play well with others, if you take my meaning.

What is alone?
Same as Frollicking.

I Long for Home:
A decent guitar solo/duet, but this suffers from the same problem: it doesn't take the song anywhere. It's very self-contained and does well enough on its own, but I don't get the feeling like the song has gone anywhere since Galaxies 2. I gotta say, there hasn't been an overarching development since then.

Good transition. I don't have any complaints.

Immeasured Distance:
Grammatically, it out to be Unmeasured or Immeasurable. English is fun like that. The melodies here are good. I The 5/4 bit at bar 149 seems arbitrary and it makes that last note hang on way too long. That really spoils the feeling of this passage for me.

A Day For Everything:
This is, again, a very self-contained passage. It doesn't seem to contribute to anything. It transitions decently into the next part, but it doesn't build towards it, if that makes any sense.

Struggle v. solar systems:
Good melody, better sense of direction. The variation at bar 170 was well executed. My one complaint on this section is that the melody and rhythm are hard panned. I think that the melody really ought to be centered rather than panned. The melody actually seems like it wants to progress naturally here, which is a nice change.

Barr 188-end
This feels like Protest the Hero meets Periphery. I like that, even though my opinion of Periphery isn't very great. Good ending.

Overall, I think the biggest trouble you have here is that several melodic lines are very self-contained. They work well in their own setting, but they don't contribute much to the song as a whole. A couple of rhythms were off, but aside from that, I really can't complain beyond those bits. Take another look at those and really examine the chord progression and how it relates back to the parts preceding and following those melodic lines and you'll be alright.
UG's UGer
Join date: Oct 2006
640 IQ
I had to come here because you listed five of my favorite bands in the title. Blown away at the fact that I can very easily here the influence from all bands (except maybe BTBAM) yet it all sounds consistent to me. One of my favorite things I've seen posted here.
Cybernetic Comp. Organism
Join date: Oct 2008
1,492 IQ
I like the drums actually. I feel they are basic enough that I don't get lost but combined with the uneven feel of the riffs, they work. Its not something that's easy to bob your head to but I like that about it.
For Frodo!
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Make it hapn
Join date: Dec 2006
1,849 IQ
Mainly, I have to agree: It does sound like Djun. I've never heard a Djent in my life. Why do they call it Djent, when it's clearly a Djun? Seriously.
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2008
589 IQ
nice name, it combines scale the summit periphery btbam and who else?
UG's UGer
Join date: Oct 2006
640 IQ
Quote by JCAshworth247
nice name, it combines scale the summit periphery btbam and who else?

Protest The Hero.