#1
I wrote this for a friend who's struggling with clinical depression. It's thrash metal.

I am the enemy of sanity
I do no favors to your vanity
I'm desecrating your humanity
I'll close you in and I'll beat you to death

I'll murder the old you and step in in your place
I'll shatter your life and wipe that grin off your face
I seduce you I reduce you I will fill you I will kill you
And I wouldn't have it any other way

Run away
Run away
From the world

Run away
Run away
From your life

Run away
Run away
From yourself

Run away
Run away
From me

You try to kill me with the pills you take
And try to drown me in the booze you hate
You'll never beat me, I am your fate
Keep dreaming asshole, you no longer exist

The doctors keep on trying to say that you'll be fine
But we both know that you're still living on borrowed time
I seduce you I reduce you I will fill you I will kill you
And I wouldn't have it any other way

Run Away...

Your friends all say to live
I say to pull the ****ing trigger!
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
Last edited by FrustratedRocka at Apr 30, 2011,
#4
Wow. This is great. It really fits the idea, and that's a pretty deep topic to write a song about, the lyrics were clever, and I loved the last little verse part.

Oh, and the only way this is similar to Hail The Villain is because they have a song called Runaway and the chorus is "You go, runaway, you runaway you go, runaway" or something like that.
Quote by willT08
Quote by HowSoonisNow
How was Confucius death metal?
You've clearly never read any Confuscius.

As I wait on the edge of the earth,
I can see the walls being torn down again
Only to be rebuilt in another name,
On a different day
#5
I enjoyed the emotion behind this, but it comes off as a little juvenile. I like how you personified the illness, not that it hasn't been done before, but it really worked here. Overall, I think that this piece could improve through greater use of metaphors and descriptive language. For example, "You'll never beat me, I am you fate" is powerful as it stands, but is it the most powerful/creative/effective way to say that someone has serious doubt that they can ever defeat their illness? I don't know just a thought. Sorry about this critique, it is short and probably less than helpful.
"If you don't live by the praises of men you won't die by their criticisms." -Bill Johnson
Verbosity is your enemy.
#6
Thanks for the tips, guys!

EDIT: Made a few changes to the chorus. They're in red.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
Last edited by FrustratedRocka at Apr 30, 2011,
#7
Pretty cool....has kinda a mood from a megedeth song sweating bullets. Kinda